Wednesday my whole job got turned around. That evening I randomly encountered one of my biggest triggers. My anxiety went through the roof but I didn't run screaming from the room. Thursday I started processing events and realized that there was a person in administration using me to show her displeasure towards one of the teachers. I'm a little slow at picking up nuances. I realized that there reasoning had holes big enough to drive a truck through. Being used to hurt others is another huge trigger. Friday one of the groups that I will no longer work with created cards and gave me a basket of flowers. I was moved to tears. I loved working with these people. I will still see them at school I but I won't have the daily contact that I used to have. The administrators complain that staff moral is low then treat them as nothing more than an X on a spread sheet. I spent quiet time with grand kids and spent today sorting what I can do something about and what is someone else's responsibility. Today in karate class, I could barely remember what I was taught on Thursday. I hate mush brain feeling. I'm also adjusting my thinking to this new challenge. I'm excited about what is coming up. So now I feel guilty for feeling excited about the changes. I'm just weird. No emotions is much easier. Feeling like a snow globe that got shook up and it will take time to understand all the fall out.