Thursday, October 8, 2015

Stay-cation

For those that are unfamiliar with the term stay-cation, it is time off without going on vacation.  Staying home as a vacation.  But for me I haven't really had a vacation.  I tackled a job that I avoided for years.  I have stacks and stacks of papers.  I tackled some of them.  Those papers that I knew I needed to keep for medical purposes were filed.  I also threw away stuff that I saved for YEARS telling myself that I would fix it, do something with it, or use it.  I did have a moments desire to snatch stuff back out of the trash.  I peaked...bless my hubby's heart, he already took out the trash.  He knows me well.  I am seeing part of my floor that I haven't seen for years.  I do believe that my husband keeps me from becoming one of those hoarders you see on TV.  One of the challenges of growing up with multiple personalities, I didn't feel like anything belonged to me or I kept things for evidence that they happened.  Healing process involves not just healthy choices but a whole new life style.  I am continually frustrated by people saying they want to go back to before PTSD.  My thought is why do I have to not change when I have a life changing experience?  Every event that causes PTSD is a life changing experience.  A persons view of the world is forever altered.  I split into different personalities at 5 years old.  I lived that way for over 40 years.  Integrating was a life changing experience.  I am different now.  I am still trying to understand what that is but that's OK.  Life changing experiences mean life changes.  Stay-cation for me is no more restful than going on a vacation. 

Grand Canyon

Mammoth Springs, Yellowstone

Grand Tetons

3 comments:

Judy said...

Go you!

Jenafer Bauerle said...

you can do it. I have found that its also ok to grieve for things you are letting go of. It is a life changing experience, its ok to treat it as such.

Ruth said...

Thanks Judy and Jenafer.