Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Highs and Lows

The last few months are giving me plenty of highs and lows.  The big bummer low was the teacher I was working with in fashion was asked to resign because of a missing test for her certification.  I was devastated.  They asked me to work with a substitute as a part time sub myself.  What I learned?  Teaching exhausts me beyond belief.  I come home so worn out that eating seems like an over exertion.  I am barely functioning other than my work.  I really dislike living this way.  The fashion show all the pieces fell together.  It was wonderful and nearly caused me to have a complete melt down.  Focusing on my photograph work kept me going.  I spent Spring break trying to feel like I can function again.  I messed up several things at school but I was proud of myself because I didn't try to blame anyone else.  I took responsibility for what I did and working towards a solution.  I am surviving my job but I don't feel like I am thriving. 

Karate is moving forward.  I am preparing for the next belt level.  Since I am higher ranking than the new students, I now help with preparing them to pass their belt test.  I was assisting one student with how to make a particular move.  In his enthusiasm for doing the move exactly right he gave me a black eye.  Some people would think this is awful.  It isn't.  I don't like getting hurt however I felt relief that I felt the pain at the time it happened.  I also didn't lash out and blame the student.  It was a genuine accident, he apologized and I feel at peace over the incident.  A shiner for a shining moment. 

Tonight was an exciting high.  I bought a groupon for an introduction to glass blowing class.  I am so excited.  I finally signed up for the class.  I carefully planned for it to happen after school is out.  I think it will be a great way to celebrate a very tough school year.  I admire glass blowing.  I took thousands of pictures when Chihuly was at the Botanical gardens.  I am working on a picture book for children.  I got bogged down when I was so overwhelmed by all the different information.  Now I get to try my hand at.  This will be me thriving.  I will take pictures and post them no matter what I create. 

I am learning that life comes with highs and lows.  If you stay at either state it is not healthy.  Healthy living includes highs, lows, successes, frustrations and many other contrasts in feelings and experience.  I've come a long way from the state of constant gray.  I am living a life I never dreamed possible.  I am feeling thankful for a counselor that helped me turn my life around and learn that life is for thriving. 


Bea said...

as an aside... the blog "mulderfan" got taken over by some interior design blog? MulderFan calls you a "cyber sister" so I was hoping you could let zir know, if it's not already known.

All the old mulderfan posts have been deleted, too, which is sad.

Ruth said...

I saw that too. Wasn't sure what was going on. I'll pass on the message. Thanks