In knots....

Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.


Every so often I need this reminder.  I was getting myself in a knot over someone else's problem.  I was raised to fulfill the roll of fixer in the family.  If a problem was discussed, the assumption was that either I was part of the solution or part of the problem.  I tried desperately over and over to solve massive problems that weren't mine in the first place.  I took a step back last night and realized the massive problem I worked on isn't really my problem.  Yes, I was asked to do it but the final results are not my responsibility.  People try to get someone else to do their unpleasant jobs.  Narcissistic personalities have honed their skills to a fine art.  Their victim will often volunteer their services and feel privileged to do their bidding.  Sometimes called flying monkeys but often just bystanders being fooled by the act put on for outsiders.  But the thing is others besides narcissitics will try to get me to do their job.  Lines get especially blurry when it is a boss or a lead coworker asking me to do the job.  The difference lies in the feeling of responsibility.  I like to do my job well, however if I am set up to fail it is not my responsibility to pull the rabbit out of the hat and solve everything.  Getting upset and worried doesn't help me solve anything especially when it isn't really my job in the first place.  3 deep breathes...the project is going forward this week.  I've been thanked for my efforts.  Now, I need to just remind myself over and over and over....I did my part.  If it fails, it is not my responsibility, if it succeeds it is not my doing.  A large project takes many pieces coming together to succeed.  I also know that this is a first time for the project so it is an experiment.  Sometimes experiments have unexpected results.  Plus actual results won't be known until next spring.  Now that my part is completed I step up to catch up all the other things that needed to be done.  This is the cool thing about counseling, in learning to deal with large problems and set boundaries with unhealthy people, I also learned how to set boundaries with healthy people.  I am feeling much better now.