Abuse, Guilt and Shame

Ruthless Compassion Institute

People who were sexually abused as children grow up feeling a lot of fear, guilt & shame. What they need to understand is that all these emotions more rightly belong to the perpetrator of the abuse, as opposed to the one who experienced it. Those who lived through childhood sexual abuse also feel concerned that they'll hurt people if they bring to light what happened. Again, if anyone is hurt by the revelations, it's the fault of the perpetrator. It's tragic that because of the natural tendency of children to take what happens to them personally, they absorb the negativity of those who abused them. It's time for all of those who went through such abuse to see that they are guiltless & should feel no shame or sense of responsibility for anything having to do with the tragic events that they experienced.

I decided to write my book and start this blog and I made the commitment to share openly that I was sexually abused as young as 5 years old.  A lot of soul searching and discussion with KavinCoach and then I took my decision to the Lord in prayer.  I felt strongly that I needed to speak up.  No more secrets.  I tested out my choices with a few people.  I was stunned when someone told me that I should feel shame for what happened.  I was 5 years old, why should I feel shame?  I don't know what happened in my mind but there was a sudden shift like an internal earthquake then boiling hot rage erupted in my mind.  How dare this person suggest that I have something to be ashamed of?  How dare they imply that a five year old child wanted to be used as a thing with no understanding of what was happening.  But these feelings of guilt and shame surfaced over and over and over.  It was like the perpetrator sunk these hooks deep into my soul to continue to torture me long after he was dead.  Though I had a moment of crystallized understanding, I needed to remind myself over and over and over again that these feelings of guilt, shame, dirtiness, responsibility for what happened were false feelings projected on to me from the perpetrator.  Not only did he abuse my body, he also abused my mind and soul.  I read somewhere that sexual abuse is also called 'soul murder.'  I survived by splitting off the horrors to a separate part.  There was the part of me that continued to grow up and there was a part that stayed frozen in time sealing off the secrets.  Splitting was how I survived.  Integration required releasing my secrets.  Learning to love myself is helping to totally release the shame that never belonged to me in the first place.