Provoke Not Your Children

Ephesians 6

King James Version (KJV)

6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

² Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
³ That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
⁴ And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

One of the struggles a survivor has that believes in the Bible is the commandment Exodus 20:12. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.  How does one honor a person that lied to me, manipulated me, hurt me, neglected me?  How does one honor a dishonorable person?  The verses in Ephesians I believe holds the key....parents don't piss off your kids.  Parents have a responsibility in how they raise their children. 

I also learned that honor was more about me then about them.  I view the role of parents of great worth and value.  Unfortunately, not everyone taking on these roles choose to make healthy choices.  I learned that when a person uses the commandment to bully me into doing something I don't agree with, I recognize that it is their problem and I am not required to follow through on what they believe I should do.  I decide what is honorable.  Sometimes the honorable thing to do is walk away from the parent that is trying to harm me.  Counseling opened my eyes to how I was treated.  I learned that I had rights.  I learned that second class citizens were treated better than I was.  I learned by observation that my mother would make sure I was alone before saying really cruel things to me.   I make sure that I am never alone with her.  I honor the role of mother by doing the best I can to be a different kind of mother than the example I received.  I do not claim to be perfect.  I do my best to honor my role as a mother. 

There is a test before a person can get a drivers license.  There is no test for becoming a parent.  There are classes in reading, writing and arithmetic but no required classes on being a healthy caring parent.  There is recognition for high grades, high IQs, sports and other accomplishments but many parents can assure you that other than mother's day and father's day there is very little recognition for being a good parent.  Parenting is a tough role.  A child does not get to choose their parents.  This combination can lead to widely varying results.  No one knows what happens in a parent child relationship accept the parent and the child.  Siblings may not know what one child had to endure.  Sometimes it is perspective and sometimes it really is poor choices on the part of the parent.  Dead beat dad's hit the news more often, unfortunately plenty of mothers left their children's lives in shambles.  Too often the people reciting the commandment about honoring parents are trying to cover their own short comings by bullying compliance out of the child instead of honoring their role as a parent. 

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