Thanksgiving

The first Thanksgiving the story goes was by Pilgrims long ago that were thankful to survive there summer and pull in a bountiful harvest thanks to their good friends the Indians that helped them by teaching them to improve their corn crops by burying a fish with each seed.  The one meal turned into days. Giving thanks became an official National Holiday years ago.  Stores started Black Friday sometime later to celebrate the coming Christmas when people started shopping and put their finances in the Black, meaning they were getting enough sales to show a profit.  The reason after Thanksgiving time was financially significant it was after the crops came in and the farmers could pay their bills.  All the farmers had credit at the stores and paid them off with the crop money.  The stores went from being in the red of having money owed them to being in the black of showing a profit.  The traditions, thoughts, and feelings about this holiday are unique to every family.  Other countries also adopted the tradition of a Thanksgiving day, or maybe it is the other way around, might look that up.  For me it signaled the start of seasonal depression that lasts until well into January.  One year everyday of November I blogged about different things I am thankful for.  This year is a little different.  October my anxiety was through the roof and I was using depression to suppress that out of control feeling.  I was thinking bummer, it is starting early this year.  In a chat with MyCounselor he recommended that I seek medical help to take the edge off my anxiety instead of plunging myself into depression to control it.  I did consider medical help but differently than he thought.  Just the week before my blood test came back and showed I was getting too much thyroid medication.  I looked in the paperwork and the 3rd symptom down was too much caused anxiety.  I called my medical doctor and reduced the dosage.  I am doing so much better now.  I then pondered on my yearly dip into depression.  What caused it?  What triggers set off this sadness to mar the holidays?  What 'fleas' enter my life and I feel miserable because of their existence?  These are not new 'fleas'.  (Explanation of fleas in an earlier post: http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2013/11/thankful.html)

The first flea that comes to mind is my mother's behavior to me on this holiday.  I loved getting ready for the biggest feast but my mother's anxiety overflowed and she would lash out at me to relieve her anxiety.  I am thankful that I had the courage to stop seeing her on Thanksgiving.  I don't deserve the way she treats me and I am thankful that I learned to take care of myself.  I am thankful to my sister for sharing our childhood experiences and the love I feel for her that are some of the highlights of our shared childhood, now she is my best friend.  Another flea is the anxiety I feel from increased memories of my childhood.  Memories of my childhood always come around to the pedophile.  I am thankful he wasn't interested in me once I became older.  I am thankful he let me go.  I am thankful that I found a counselor that helped me overcome the results of the pedophile's choices.  I am thankful for the compassion I feel for others that suffer.  I am thankful that we are financially sound right now.  My DH and I are both gainfully employed.  I am thankful for the turkey in the refrigerator thawing and threatening me with another possible culinary disaster.  (Turkey's and I have a long on-going battle, sometimes the turkey wins.)  I am thankful for the anxiety of others, it helps me recognize how much calmer I am this year.  I am thankful for Black Friday, it has developed into a wonderful time to share with my daughters and daughter-in-laws preparing for Christmas for our grandkids.  I am thankful for forgiveness that has removed the pain of past experiences and replaced that pain with peace.  I am thankful to my Savior, Jesus Christ for showing me the way to treat other people, to show compassion, how to live, and paying the debt for my screw-ups and mistakes.  I am thankful that I am learning to forgive myself.  I am finding a peace that when I started on this journey out of darkness I did not believe was possible.  I am thankful for cancer for teaching me how precious my life is so I sought counseling.  I am thankful for a counselor that told me, "I don't want you to just survive, I want you to thrive."  I am thankful for his vision of my life and shining the light on the path and showing me how to get started.  I am thankful for irritating drivers that allow me to be kind to others and allow them into a long line of cars.  I am thankful for rush hour that makes me slow way down and think while I am driving.  I am thankful for rude shoppers because I have an opportunity to show kindness where it is not deserved.  I am thankful for challenges that make me stretch and grow in directions that are quite different than I expected.  I am thankful for the unexpected because I often find humor there.  I am thankful for peace, plenty and my Heavenly Father for all the many things that I receive in my life that blesses me.