Not finding my path

I've learned...we have been all placed on this earth to discover our own path, and we will never be happy if we live someone else's idea of life. — Unknown



I do believe that each person coming to Earth has a purpose.  Unfortunately, barriers, obstacles and just plain choices may keep us from our paths.  Sometimes we choose the wrong path in the first place.  On the other hand, a 'wrong' turn takes us in a whole new direction that makes all the difference.  Yesterday, in Sunday School a lively discussion percolated on this subject.  The general consensus was that we had a responsibility to find our paths.  My mother happened to be there.  She came over to me afterwards and was trying to state how I chose to be with her and other stuff that set off a deep trigger.  In high school, my father changed my schedule from home ec to biology.  I was informed that my mother could teach me that stuff and I was to focus on science.  I did.  My father also did not accept that my mother had no desire to teach me how to cook or sew or as little as possible.  She didn't like competition.  So I did science, I learned to love it.  I had an aptitude for math.  I wanted to be a math teacher.  This time my mother told me that I was not to be a teacher.  Sitting there in Sunday School my mother denied all of this.  Later that night she wrote a lengthy email affirming that she didn't want me to be a teacher since she had an unpleasant experience in teaching and felt it paid poorly, my parents decided I should not go into teaching.  The email was all about her and at the end she denied that my father changed my scheduled and claimed that they never went to the school other than open house and parent teacher conference.   At the time, I didn't rebel.  I did what I was told to do.  If I were a teacher now, I would get paid 3 times as much as I am being paid in the job I am in.  Computer science paid higher they said.  It did.  I was also laid off and hated doing it.  I learned that just because I am good at something doesn't mean that I should do it.  I decided that the path I am on is the right one for me and at any point I can decide to go in a different direction.  I could spend the money now and become a math teacher.  I could get recertified in computer repair and make more money there.  I can stay where I am and do what I do because at the end of the day I go home and no work comes home with me.  That is kind of nice.

I never made the poster that KavinCoach assigned to illustrate my dreams.  I give up on books that talk about my strengths.  I feel so  foggy when I look at where I should go.  I really don't know.  I am here.  I live one day at a time.  I don't even write my posts a day or two in advance.  I have about 100 half started posts.  Some are links to pages that I want to revisit.  Others I want to write some day but not ready to.  Others I go back and wonder why I saved the quote.  I'm afraid to delete it in case I remember later.  I am beginning to believe I have a future.  I just don't know what to do with it. 

Dreams should be guarded.

Some dreams are totally unreal