Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Drawing a blank

Sometimes when I sit down to write I draw a blank.....nothing seems right to say.  Cool stuff happened with our son and his family came to visit.  At church, I had an opportunity to share how I feel about the Holy Ghost, he's awesome.  Life is settling into a routine sort of.  At least as much of a routine as I can tolerate.  Routines truly are helpful but growing up with routines used to push you harder and harder like whipping a overloaded donkey; my emotional hangups are massive about routines, however, routines truly help.  I tried writing them down.....what a disaster.  I promptly stopped doing anything on my routine list.  Sad to be so rebellious against something that could truly help me cope.  Part of my frustration is I get a routine going them something happens that throws off the routine.  I self sabotage so someone else can't screw up my routine.  How silly is that?  I know routines are helpful.  I know how to write them.  I know I could set them up on spread sheets so they don't emotionally effect me.  Then I refuse to do them.  So I guess I'm affected at a subconscious level, hard to know.  Maybe I'm more like my pictures than I thought.....

Some how writing routines marks my bacterial mats...








1 comment:

Jenafer Bauerle said...

its hard to not sabotage. I like one thing one of my supports has said- "Set it in Jello." I create a basic pattern, then relax if it doesn't happen. Some days I just need things to be different, so do you. Accept and allow for that. Give yourself permission to be flexible and leave any recriminations in your past. You've got this.