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I love puzzles. Computer repair was day in day out trying to solve problems and puzzle out what was going on. The most difficult puzzle was myself. I actually took a class in high school called, "Search for Identity." The harder I worked the more confused I felt. Then I took advice of a poem to focus on others:
I sought my soul, But my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, But my God eluded me.
I sought my brother, And I found all three. ~William Blakehttp://blog.biographyonline.net/2007/05/quotes-of-william-blake.html
I tried I really honestly tried. I didn't understand people at all. I am really good at solving lots of puzzles and problems. I couldn't figure out people or myself.
In the first 6 months of counseling I became extremely discouraged. I felt like there was no way I could understand what I needed to do. Not in counseling, not in my marriage, not in living....
KavinCoach assured me one session that I was like everybody else. I come in and spread out my puzzle pieces and we put the pieces together. I thought, "Awwww I am just like everyone else." Until KavinCoach continued, "You just happen to be a 10,000 piece puzzle." Wump ~ back to Earth in a hurry. I have only seen one 10,000 piece puzzle years ago in a game store. I kept that image in my mind. For my book, I decided to take a picture of 10,000 puzzle pieces on my counselor's floor. I asked permission. Yup, he was intrigued with the concept. I bought ten 1000 piece puzzles. Dumped them all out on the floor. The pieces covered almost half the distance between my counselor and me. I shot the picture of what I always looked at..the floor. I rarely looked him in the eye.
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| There really is 10,000 pieces there on the floor. |
Week after week, I talked, he listened, and gave me a few suggestions to try the next week. I thought life was too cruel when in the middle of all this mess my boss was changed and I ended up with a really nasty boss. KavinCoach thought it was great. What? Really? This puzzle I was working on needed a testing case. I couldn't handle people that were rude, unpleasant, power hungry, petty, all round nastiness. KavinCoach pointed out that I didn't like him, therefore a perfect candidate for a guinea pig. I would be taught a self assertive skill and then I would test it out on the nasty boss. I would then report back with the disaster or mess I created. Then KavinCoach would tweak the suggestion a little until I started coming back with more and more positive responses. I learned a lot from testing out my new skills on my nasty boss. William Blake was wrong...Once I started to understand myself, I am better able to understand people around me. Since I am part of the mystery I am accepting I won't solve it all. But I can enjoy living and sharing my life with people around me. I don't have all the solutions, I just now know that I enjoy people, myself, and God.
5 comments:
Sounds very Buddhist Ruth. The person who is your enemy is your great teacher, they say.
My therapist sits with his legs crossed just like that - do they learn it in school? :-)
I have noticed several similarities between counselors that I have encountered and read about. :) I also recognize some of the same questions.
I have a great deal of respect for Buddhist teachings. Your enemy being your teacher is a good way of putting it. I seem to learn more from conflict than I ever do when things are going smoothly.
This isn't me trying to be clever.
The counsellor says you are a 10,000 piece puzzle. You go out and buy 10 1,000 piece puzzles. Did he raise this?
I do think there is a counselling culture which means counsellors can feel samey, approach things in a similar way and ask the same questions. Also they exchange stories and adopt what works from each other.
The picture was my idea, so was the book with photographs. I actually worked with one of my professors on creating the book at the bottom of the blog. 10 1,000 piece puzzles cost $20. 1 10,000 piece puzzle cost $97. Since I only wanted the pieces for the picture, I went cheap. It did have an impact on me for grasping why I am still in counseling after 8 years. I had a lot to get through and that takes time. The image helped me when I felt discourage with how hard counseling was for me. I noticed some similarities between my two counselors. There are also some significant differences. Or as Ellen pointed out that our counselors sit the same way. I have also noticed that the blue shirt and khaki pants are almost a uniform for some counselors.
That's an amazing difference in price.
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