Monday, February 27, 2012

Tackling old fears

Ambrose Bierce Ghost: The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.

This quote pulled at my attention.  Ghosts from my past haunt me.  Hardest thing about forgetting your past are bits and pieces that don't stay gone.  If my past were totally annihilated, I could start over and build a life from what I know now.  My past has lingering ties that throw out lures to trip me up and keep me firmly in my past.  Bits of memories that haunt me.  Ghost that should be gone now that they're dead, but instead linger to stir up fears and hurts long past.  I don't want to wallow in that muck but these tendrils creep in through the night and wrap my heart in suffocating fear.  As long as I stay awake, everything is fine.  Unfortunately getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night really sucks.  Years of counseling softened and put most of these past hurts in perspective and I found peace.  However, there are one or two memories that like Devil's Snare*, the harder I fight against them the tighter their grip becomes.  Ghost stick a round because there is unfinished business.  If this is unfinished business lingering, I am not thrilled with the visitor.  In my head I scream enough already. 

*Devil's Snare...Read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone and you will know what it is.  Or you could try this link for a quick answer:


mulderfan said...

Unfinished business with no way to finish it, is the feeling I have!

Ruth said...

Good description. Thanks mulderfan.