Reverse Engineering Emotion

Years as a computer tech taught me a lot about reverse engineering.  KavinCaoch is a very good counselor and talked to me in a language I could understand.  Yup, examples from computerland cropped up often in our discussions of emotions.

Basics behind reverse engineering start with the results and work backwards to see how you got to that answer.

We started with my depression increased.  What happened before that?  I was angry. What happened before that?  Something happened and I felt either hurt, fear or frustration.  Was the anger proportional to the event?  Small event - big anger usually meant that the event was a trigger not the original problem.  Then the next part would become dicey for me whether I would know or not; what event in my past was similar or the same?  Did I resolve how I felt then?  Usually this answer was no. 

At first, when these series of questions were asked I said, 'I don't know' a lot.  Eventually, I started learning to pay attention to the cause and effect relationship between events and how I would feel.  I learned how to self analyze many of the cause and effect relationships.  Some are still hard for me to grasp.  Some emotions I never felt until after I integrated.  The first shared emotion I ever felt was boredom.  (Totally awful feeling.)  Before integration if one of the personalities felt even a glimpse of boredom one of the other personalities took over.  Anger vanished at a simple switch to one that didn't feel anger over that problem.  After integration, without the ability to tag team the emotional quagmire, I experience distress from not understanding all the feelings that bombard me.  Emotional overload happens often. Emotional overload usually leads to a complete shutdown with depression being my security blanket.  Depression is a feeling I understand and embrace when all the other emotions become overwhelming.  Counseling from KavinCoach and NewCounselor became vital to me as I try to understand this whole realm of emotions that I didn't learn about as a kid growing up.  Anger is easy emotion to recognize.  What caused the anger is far more difficult.  Hurt, fear, and frustration each have their own way of saying, 'its me.'  Identifying which is the culprit become even harder when one hides behind the other.  I may recognize fear but not recognize it is the fear of being hurt that is the main issue.  I sometimes feel like trying to understand emotions is like untying a  Gordian Knot.  Temptation to use a sword to cut through the mess is high.  Then I remind myself I am the collateral damage in this approach.  Three deep breaths, count to ten, and try again. 

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 This has some interesting ideas linking the way we think with disorganization.
http://bigthink.com/ideas/42522?utm_source=feedburner