When to move on

 Sometimes I start a draft of a partial idea that I want to write about then my mind gets distracted on some other thought then time passes and then... You get the gist.  One of the interesting things to learn about myself after integration was that my mind jumps from subject to subject (sometimes in the same paragraph) had nothing to do with being a multiple.  I am starting to suspect that something similar to ADD or some other attention deficit...or maybe I am just not used to staying with one thought for very long.  Hard to know.

upsi at You don't have to dance for them is one of the blogs that I read often.  She created a space that shares information about narcissistic parents and also encouraged people to comment.  I was new to the blogoshpere when I first started reading her posts so finding a haven of acceptance was wonderful.  What really grabbed my attention was she shared a letter written by her mother.  I was super startled because I had received almost an identical letter from my mother including key phrases that were very hurtful.  I read her mother's letter again and again wondering how two strangers that didn't know each other existed could sound so similar.  upsi was seeking respect and truth...her mother offered neither.  I was seeking respect and I finally learned that part of respect is truth.  I read her blog more and more carefully as I realized she was sharing the desires of a grown daughter's wish from her mother.  I read her post and learned better ways to treat my adult daughters.  I found in upsi's blog a place to explore emotional impact of being raised by a narcissistic mother.  One of the struggles I am having is when to "move on".  Seems like other people want me to hurry up and get over it so they don't feel discomfort.  upsi's post explored several aspects

http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.com/2012/01/moving-on.html

There is another part that came to my attention today.  When people hurry up through stages of healing they end up dropping back into old habits or wiping out completely.  From Flylady I first learned about BABYSTEPS to get yourself out of a messy house.  I figured BABYSTEPS could also get me out of a messy life.   (I stopped following FLYLady when she pushed me faster than I was ready to go.  Her idea of babysteps is a LOT bigger than mine.)  KavinCounselor also encouraged me to slow down, take my time, stop focusing so much on the end goal and pay more attention to where I am stepping next.   Henry Ford was an expert at breaking down jobs to the most elemental part.

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.  Henry Ford

Henry really knew how to break apart jobs until one person put on one bolt on to cars all day long. (I think you could call Henry Ford, the Father of Extreme boredom.)  He did get cars built cheaper and faster than anyone else.  He also said that you could have any color for you car as long as it was black.  Breaking down major healing into babysteps....all those babysteps take a long time to do.   Rushing through the process either I try to skip steps or I backslide into short cutting emotions.  I don't enjoy feeling miserable; however I have learned that grieving a shattered past TAKES TIME and I am the only one qualified to decide how much.  I will move on when my babysteps take me out of here.