1. Am I part of the cause of your mental illness?
I was once asked if having 6 children drove me crazy, I jokingly answered, "Oh no, I had to be crazy to do this in the first place." I can say with total confidence that my children were not the cause or any contributing factor in my mental illness. My kids figured out a lot more than I did about how I functioned. They had an outside view that their mom didn't always behave consistently. I believe the hard thing for my kids is they didn't know anything different for a mom. I was just the way I was and they found ways to cope with me.
I also think this is a plea from every child to every parent, am I the cause of your problems? As a child, I was blamed for my parents problems. If I didn't exist then they would be fine. Blaming a child I believe may lead to their mental illness but not the cause of the parents problems.
I also want to reassure each of my children that their presence in my life was more of a stabilizing factor than almost anything else. I struggled to become healthy so I could be a better Mom. Being a good Mom continues to be a life goal. I wasn't the mom I dreamed I would be. My whole life wasn't what I wanted it to be. No one wishes to be abused. No one wakes up and says, "I want to make my life a living hell to see if I can survive." I was given life challenges that led to PTSD and multiple personality disorder to survive. I knew by the time I was 15 years old that I was different, I didn't know how but I knew. My parents denied any possibility until I started to believe what was wrong was not unusual. Watching my children grow up caused me to look at my own life and the way I reacted verses how they behaved. I was looking for answers to better understand them. I believe that my children are some of the greatest blessings of my life. They are some of my biggest cheerleaders and I feel blessed to know each one. I also feel doubly blessed by the wonderful men and women that they married.
|Big blessings come in small packages.|