Friday, September 19, 2014

Do I make your mental health worse?

 This is a series of post answering questions posed by Kevin's daughter.  I asked permission to answer each of these questions as if I was answering my adult children.  I will also include a link to Kevin's answer.

3.  Do I make your mental health worse?

I wish I could say a flat out 'no' but that is not how PTSD works.  Triggers make my mental illness worse.  Sometimes you kids did things that would trigger me.  Most of you eventually figured out you could use that to your advantage.  On the flip side, having kids also made my mental health better.  I worked hard to heal so that I could better mom to you.  Six amazing people were my own little army keeping me moving forward when my greatest desire was to lay down and give up.  I cherish memories of little arms creeping around my neck with a quick hug when I felt like I was falling totally apart.  You kids were my inspiration, my motivators, and on occasion my reason to live.  I look at pictures of you growing up and I am in awe that I am privileged to be your mother.  You were each your unique selves.  I am glad you came into my life.  All of you made a difference by improving my quality of life. 

Added bonus is watching each of you raise your children so differently from each other.  You each processed how we as parents raised you and found your own style.  I am surprised when the grandkids do things that are just like you kids did.  I am starting to understand that many things that happened in our family was kids being kids with all the ups and downs of growing up.  I believe with all my heart that I would be much worse off without your Dad and you kids and grandkids in my life.  Thank you for teaching me so much about love and what it should be like.  

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