My journey out of the darkness of depression. How I changed from not just surviving but thriving.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
“Enterpaining”
Disturbing to open my email and read an article about what is happening in my life right now.
I've followed Karen for quite sometime. I usually just read without commenting. Tonight she pieced together my why.
http://notsalmon.com/2014/08/30/stages-of-grief/
Why am I looking for a new counselor? I need someone outside of my immediate life that I am willing to articulate and use my words about certain subjects. DH is awesome but I don't want to unload all my garbage on him. He doesn't deserve it. My sister is great, we go walking once a week for sister therapy. She listens to my babblings. We walk and talk every week. My kids are wonderful. I am blessed with several living close by. The teacher at work is great at allowing me to express my concerns at school...so why would I need a counselor? I carry a dark burden that I don't want to articulate those thoughts to anyone close to me. I allowed those dark thoughts to stay behind a wall with a big "Do not disturb" sign. This summer they got disturbed. I am realizing that wall of separation was just an illusion. I appreciate Karen sharing her experience of turning hurt into humor. She coined the name "enterpaining." Make pain a joke, Dark Humor Inc. One of my teachers found my tendency to laugh and joke about life's pains disturbing. He objected. I told him at the time, "I can laugh or cry over this situation, I prefer to laugh." Thanks to Karen, I recognize now that laughter is a form of denial. Emotional put down to myself that I don't have the right to feel what I feel. Karen shared her words to her 4 year old, "Use your words." In counseling, I use my words. Talking to a counselor I get feed back and many times excellent suggestions as to what I can do differently. I am looking for a counselor that I can use my words.
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2 comments:
I realise I do this often.; wow. Indeed, use my words.
Words are powerful.
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