Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Took a break

Start of school is always stressful for me.  Add in medical tests and a few other things and my stress shot through the roof.  In some ways, I am healthier than I was a year ago.  In others, not so much.  I seem to be bent on eating back on all the weight I lost.  The only thing I feel encouraged about on that front is my clothes fit differently.  Seems working out is changing my shape if not my weight.  I am struggling and after school I had a spell.  I haven't had one for quite a while.  My 'spells', because I don't know what else they can be called, are like naps from hell.  I sort of pass out in whatever position I am in, sitting up, standing up, slumped over doesn't make any difference.  I sleep heavily then wake up feeling like my skin was scraped all over inside.  The skin is the largest organ in the body and it can hurt all at the same time.  These were the symptoms I took to the doctor since I was a teenager.  I always get the same answer, your blood test shows everything is normal.  Well I don't feel normal after having one of these. Took me a long time of studying medical journals to learn that medicine is a practice or an art with scientific backing but still a lot is not known about the human body.  There is a powerful connection between emotional, spiritual, and physical states.  I stayed home and rested.  I'm tempted to call into work tomorrow since it is a half day and not much is accomplished.  But I want to save my sick days for bad days not annoying days.  Or days when kids are visiting or traveling with DH.  I am feeling a bit better now but need to get some more sleep soon.  Breath deep.  Focus on now.....what am I looking at?  What do I feel under my feet?  What does the chair feel like that I am sitting in?  How do my fingers feel tapping the keys?  Focus on now is an effective way to get out of my worry head and settle down for sleep.  Good night.

Mammoth Springs, beautiful and deadly.

7 comments:

Tundra Woman said...

Ruth, Have you seen a neurologist-like a GOOD one-about these "spells?" If you already have seen one, go see another, preferably one associated with a major medical center. I also would like to see you participate in a Sleep Lab, but I doubt you'll go for that ;)
TW

Ruth said...

I did a sleep study. I have sleep apnea. Tried the Cpap machine. The third time I ripped it off my head without undoing the buckles I knew this wasn't for me. I also spent 5 days at Burrow's Medical center with one of the top doctors in the nation. All they came up with is it isn't epilepsy, which I knew going into the test. Even the tech running the test was surprised at my test that I had to go to sleep part way through the exam. He told me that as soon as he said, "You can go to sleep." I did. Stupid thing is I struggle with sleeping at night. I can sleep any other time except when I am supposed to....go figure...yes a lot of sarcasm in that last bit. Stopped asking doctors after Burrows. They really don't know because I can't pull them off on demand. My own research tells me that it has to do with the chemicals in our own body that help us relax. I seem to be allergic to relaxing. Heavy sigh.

mulderfan said...

Maybe your body is giving you a message that only YOUR mind can interpret. Sit with it. Imagine that the message is an object, pick it up, examine it from every angle and it may tell you the answer. I do this kind of meditation when I'm faced with feelings I can't identify. Sometimes the answer comes immediately, sometimes it takes long. Regardless, the exercise is calming and helpful.

Evan said...

Are you open to 'alternative health'? It would take a lot of asking around and you would need to find someone intelligent about trauma but it could be of use.

Ruth said...

My body is sending the message but my mind is putting its fingers in its ears shouting, "LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HERE YOU!!!!!"

Ruth said...

Yes, Evan, I am open to different options. That is how I ended up in therapy. :) Therapy made a huge difference. I know that right now I am making some unhealthy choices. I am looking at a Yoga poses that may be helpful. I have researched light therapy, water therapy, aroma therapy, and several others. If you have suggestions, feel free to post them. I get some success from each one but if I am doing big no-nos in the first place, it is hard to expect other 'fixes' to make up for poor choices. I need to remind myself, I am worth taking care of.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like your subconscious only feels safe enough to sleep when surrounded by trustworthy people in a secure facility. --quartz