Over at upsi's blog I read a letter from Bill Zeller who chose to end his life rather than fight the darkness any more. http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.com/2011/02/darkness.html Before KavinCoach, I could have written this letter. I once told someone that if I ever committed suicide it would be more of an execution to destroy the darkness within me. I was fortunate that KavinCoach helped me see that there is another option. I do believe in Christ and that belief has helped me in my darkest hours. I still felt while reading Bill's story a deep connection between his experience and mine. From my past, the lives touched by the pedophile there are 3 murders and 5 suicides. Those lost lives still haunt me. I am committed to living but still sometimes at night I am haunted by a darkness that only evil can create. Memories so horrendous that staying up for days is preferable to facing the nightmares. I hope where ever Bill's soul is, he found the peace he so desperately craved. I do believe that there is a way out of darkness if you can put any trust in someone else. I feel fortunate that I found someone that helped me see another choice. I feel fortunate that I did learn to have faith in my Savior, Jesus Christ. The darkness of depression described by Bill Zeller is not a figment of his imagination. I continue to write because I wish I could tell the Bill Zeller's of this world that another choice exist. The darkness can be beat.
5 comments:
(hugs) I affirm you on your journey, I'm grateful to know you.
xoxo
upsi
Thank you upsi.
Amen.
You had Kavin Coach but, more importantly, you had your faith to lead you out of the darkness.
Before I worked with a psychiatrist, I just had an uneasy feeling that something had "happened" to me. He helped me recover the memory of my sexual abuse and I often wish he hadn't.
Someone once wrote this in an autograph book for me: "Look to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you."
I like the quote mulderfan. I will add it to my list. Thank you.
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