www.innerkiddies.com
This is one of the web pages that I have listed on the web resource pages. I moved away from using her page after I integrated. In fact, I found myself getting really irritated with anyone talking about caring for their inner child. One of the recent innerkiddies emails talked specifically about finding your innerkiddie:
"I think the hardest part of understanding this inner child thing is attaching a persona to thoughts we think that are contrary to what we want to do. In other words, unless we are very aware, we do things that are self-sabotaging. Self-help is nothing new and yet how many of us really know how to help ourselves? We like to get help from professionals, books, support groups and such when all along there is wisdom within us that unless we pay attention to it, we miss it.
I have loved the results of meeting and forging a relationship with my inner child Nelly. She’s not a real child with blood and bones, but she’s a real child with thoughts and feelings and she was with me even though I didn’t know it, eight years ago when I was under the pressure of $26,000 plus in credit card debt. When my house was a mess 34 years ago I now know she was there because my reason to get the place organized was so that I’d have more free time to play! And I played with her to lose the 35 pounds in two years I’ve been telling about.
Suggesting to those having trouble imagining this inner child, to find a photo of themselves from their childhood has helped many. When you look at a picture of yourself when you were young and innocent it can help you be more patient, kind and compassionate with yourself as you reclaim your balance and the peace that comes with that."
I had no problem with this, since I had 4 innerkiddies. Actually they would have been highly insulted to be called an innerkiddie. I think the trouble I have been feeling lately is this is what a multiple is. So what is the difference. I decided the difference is choice. If a person chooses to view themselves as a child that needs comforting, nurturing, and fun it is OK. But if you switch without choice that is not OK. I realized I was well on my way to become an integration snob. I rethought the purpose of innerkiddies. This is what I have decided, some people will not say, "I need to take care of myself." But they are willing to imagine a child that needs nurturing and caring and they are willing to take the time to care for this inner child. I think I can go back to reconsider the whole taking care of that inner child because I still need to take care of me. It is not the same as switching since I know who is doing the doing.
6 comments:
Don't really get the inner child thing! Maybe I didn't have much chance to be a child because I was too busy taking care of others to have, for instance, any kind of play time. Maybe because I don't want to go back to such a miserable time in my life where I was totally under the control of those who abused me emotionally.
mulderfan I so understand. To find a picture from before my worst memories I had to go to 4 years old. By the time I was 9 I was caring for my mother and younger siblings. I sometimes wonder if I go through a second childhood now, is it OK since I didn't get a first?
Thanks Ruth for the link, I'm going to check it out.
I thought the inner child work was way too mushy for me. I went back and read a post from when I started this journey when I was reading Never Good Enough. I said I just couldn't understand Dr. McBrides suggestions for healing the inner child - especially the part about getting a doll that looked like you at that age. I do like the idea of finding a picture from when I was those ages.
Two years later, I'm coming around to it. I have two inner children and sometimes I wonder if I sound crazy when I refer to them as such. I don't want to blame my behavior on them. I haven't even named them - I've been referring to them by their age.
I think there are issues that developed around those ages that I need to address now. I think I'm finally ready.
It was easy for me because I was already split but you are right I didn't want to blame them. I treated all of me like a committee. If one did it, then we all did it. But nurturing myself doesn't come naturally to me. Imaging myself as a child needing loving, care helps me to chose to care for myself. I wish you well on your journey
I've always found the inner child "work" strange too. Especially the whole, get a doll to hold and love thing. Like you, I "get it" a bit more now than I did at first but you will never catch me talking to a doll! :)
Cyndi, being a multiple is strange. Doing it out of choice ~ helps some people visualize caring for themselves since I know I wasn't taught to care for myself. I like what one lady did, if she was out in public planning to buy something that wasn't really needed and would break her budget, she called herself on her cell phone, explained to herself why it was a poor choice, and then gave herself encouragement over her phone. To me, the goal is learning to choose to care for myself something that didn't happen when I was a kid.
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