I thought a lot this week about the suicide note shared at upsi blog. Why did I survive? I understood the darkness that Bill Z. faced, but what made the difference? The word ENDURE came to mind. Endure is what I did through a root canal. Endure is what I did when I had cancer. Endure is what I did when I spent a week in the hospital with my head wired trying to see why I passed out daily. Endure is what I did at night when the nightmares became so bad I wouldn't sleep more than 3 hours a night. Sometimes I endured just 5 minutes at a time. While I endured, I hoped for an answer. While I endured, I prayed to learn a better way to live. While I endured, I did my own research. While I endured, I admitted I didn't know the answers and sought help from somebody else. KavinCoach encouraged me to keep on enduring while he taught me the difference between just surviving and thriving. Endurance is not glamours, fun, or easy. Picture in your own mind what does Endurance look like to you?
The last half of Matt. 10:22 has new meaning to me: he that endureth to the end shall be saved.
If you are in a really bad place and don't have an answer I encourage you to endure until a better answer is found.
2 comments:
I endured initially, because of denial and then later came the belief that things would change.
Of course, I wouldn't ultimately get "better" until I let go of both of these things. Once I did, I was able to begin my journey through the death of hope and stages of grief.
This may sound horribly sad but to paraphrase the AA promises, I was able to "find a new freedom and happiness." The serenity prayer helped me "accept the things I cannot change".
Oddly, it wasn't until I became a full blown alcoholic that I found the support and strength I needed to break free from the "old song and dance" with my Nparents.
mulderfan I am glad you found a better answer no matter which path you take. The hardest thing this month was recognizing that my parents have been "stuck" in the same place for over 35 years. I am choosing to change and they seem bewildered as to what is wrong with me. They don't consider the possibility that change can be healthy. Thanks for your encouragement.
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