On Guard

"You are just too sensitive."  This was thrown at me so many times.  I complained to KavinCoach.  I was stunned when he agreed.  Not only was I too sensitive, I was hypersensitive at an extreme level.  What the... I come to counseling to feel better not worse.  He must of seen my instant reaction of first hurt quickly followed by rage.  I hid my reaction too late.  KavinCoach spent the rest of the session helping me to understand that my survival absolutely depended on my being alert to every nuance and cue that came my way.  I did this constantly.  I never let down my guard for a second.  I was always aware of every little thing.  He pointed out how alert I was too everything negative.  He also pointed out I was clueless to anything positive.  He asked me, "Why do you think you are so much more aware of negative comments than compliments?"
I thought for a moment, "I never had to duck a compliment."
He stopped and stared at me.  I realized instantly by his body language that I had said something different than what he expected.   He took his time to think about my answer and asked if there were times when I had to duck.  My 'yay' was laced with sarcasm. Not only did I need to know when to duck but not too much because if she missed it would be much worse.  Just enough to satisfy her anger without getting hurt too bad.  I then asked what I was supposed to say.  He remarked that most people answer that negative comments are more hurtful.  He hadn't thought about the physical aspect.  He pointed out how hypersensitive I would need to be to pick up on that nuance.  By the end of the session I understood that I was indeed hypersensitive for good reason.  That it had been a gift through most of my life.  I would probably always be more aware than most people.  But he also taught me that I could use this gift in a more productive way to learn when to tone it down a bit.  Not worry about some people's words and when too ignore some people all together.  He pointed out that I was no longer in a war zone and like any war weary soldier I could relax sometimes.  I still find the ability to be hypersensitive to come in handy from time to time.  As an artist, it is a great gift.  I am now proud to say, "Yes, I am sensitive and that is a good thing."