Henry Ford
Triggers were one of the clues that I didn't function quite like everyone else before counseling. I remember working in one of the computer labs and a student came up behind me and grabbed my wrist. He thought he was being funny. I froze. The fury flashed through me. I held very still so I wouldn't lash out and really hurt him. I recognized that my reaction was much greater than the incident warranted. For additional reading on Triggers try this Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trauma_trigger
Saturday I faced one of my worse triggers. To celebrate our son-in-law's Master's degree we gathered at a restaurant that served us wonderful food. However, they flambe the appetizer. The flame dancing across the plate was enjoyable by many. Unfortunately, it is a MASSIVE trigger for me. I turned my head a way and mentally held on. I realized I didn't throw up, I didn't pass out. I thought, I made it through once. Then as more people came out, more appetizers came with flames dancing merrily on each one. I won't say I enjoyed the experience. But the last time I was in a restaurant that used flambe I had to leave the restaurant and find a restroom where I threw up. This time, I would see it, look away, and hung on. I was able to stay and enjoy the party. I did what I feared I could not. To some it may not seem like much since it was a normal bit of fun with food. For me it was a huge step to not only face a trigger but not allow it to destroy my time with my family.
Triggers were one of the clues that I didn't function quite like everyone else before counseling. I remember working in one of the computer labs and a student came up behind me and grabbed my wrist. He thought he was being funny. I froze. The fury flashed through me. I held very still so I wouldn't lash out and really hurt him. I recognized that my reaction was much greater than the incident warranted. For additional reading on Triggers try this Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trauma_trigger
Saturday I faced one of my worse triggers. To celebrate our son-in-law's Master's degree we gathered at a restaurant that served us wonderful food. However, they flambe the appetizer. The flame dancing across the plate was enjoyable by many. Unfortunately, it is a MASSIVE trigger for me. I turned my head a way and mentally held on. I realized I didn't throw up, I didn't pass out. I thought, I made it through once. Then as more people came out, more appetizers came with flames dancing merrily on each one. I won't say I enjoyed the experience. But the last time I was in a restaurant that used flambe I had to leave the restaurant and find a restroom where I threw up. This time, I would see it, look away, and hung on. I was able to stay and enjoy the party. I did what I feared I could not. To some it may not seem like much since it was a normal bit of fun with food. For me it was a huge step to not only face a trigger but not allow it to destroy my time with my family.
7 comments:
You are one tough cookie, Ruth! Every time you overcome a challenge you get stronger. Well done!
Hugs again, M/P
Thanks M/P, It does feel good now to think about what I did. Thanks for your encouragement.
Good for you! That is HUGE progress!
Thanks Laurel.
Ruth, If you can confront this trigger/fear, you're well on your way. Hugs for your courage, great respect for your willingness to confront such a difficult aspect of your PTSD, awe at your fearlessness-that's right, overt fearlessness. Sometimes we "have to act as if...." And you did.
One amazing lady you are, even if you don't yet see it
:)
Ruth, that sounds like a big one but you got through it. :)
I'm wondering, how has your therapist dealt with your "triggers?" As a victim of battery, I remember a boyfriend and I having an argument. Nothing too escalated but for some reason I got scared. Jumped out of the car, drove home and hid in the dark. This person had never been abusive and to be honest, I do not think on any level I thought he would be. To this day, I don't know what triggered me but I do know that I suffer from PTSD.
I have dealt with most of my "physical triggers" but am reeling from the "psychological ones" now. I am not a typical depressed person. However, I can go from moderately happy, albeit stressed, to seeing or hearing something, and just breaking down in tears. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by the negative feelings that I don't want to live. Of course I don't mean it but at the time, my discomfort is SEVERE.
Thanks Anon. This one felt good.
Hi Cheshire, I have a section in my book at the bottom of the page that addresses overcoming triggers. I have worked on several. The hardest ones still aren't connected to a memory so I am not sure what I am fighting. This one I wrote about in my book. I have discussed with my counselor what I could do. A combination of talking, visualizing, and multiple exposures in a safe environment got me through. I still feel wrung out afterwards. One of the biggest keys is I react first then I do what computer geeks call reverse engineering. I take the negative results and start working backwards until I find the trigger. I have spent 8 years in counseling for a big reasons. PTSD is extremely difficult when there are multiple reasons and people involved. Takes a lot of detective work and that perseverence that I write about. :)
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