Reverse Engineer

Working as a computer tech for 15 years gives me an interesting vocabulary.  Reverse Engineering was originally used to crack codes and copy programs.  (A few companies that I won't name used this to steal programing code.)  Basically the technique looks at the results then works backwards to see what code needs to exist to create those results.  Now, when I have an extreme reaction to a situation I start with the bad reaction then start working through a process of what happened before that, what happened before that, slowly working backwards until I zero in on the trigger that set the whole reaction in motion.  Many of my counseling sessions are discussions on why I react very badly in certain situations.  At first I couldn't figure out the reaction/trigger connection.  KavinCoach walked me through the process over and over again until I could figure some of them out myself.  I still struggle and this is why I now meet with NewCounselor.  He is finishing the process of training me to resolve my own problems instead of going straight to melt down with spiralling depression.  Some days I am just plain tired of walking through my life land minds.  Then I remind myself that the more I can deactivate, neutralize, or occasionally isolate personal land minds the happier and more independent I can be.  I am learning that severe PTSD is like type one diabetes I have it for life but I can control it with proper self care.  I am in the process of learning proper self care.  Not easy being raised by a narcissistic and my concern about becoming an unhealthy narcissistic sometimes interferes with learning healthy self care.  I dislike facing a cure that is worse than the disease.  I have faith in my counselors and myself that I can learn to live a healthy, happy and productive life.  My past does not define me but sure can make living in the present an interesting challenge.  My faith in my Savior teaches me that there is healing that lasts for eternity.