Friday, February 3, 2012

So Why Counseling?

I realized shortly after counseling started that it was not going to go how I expected.  So why stay in counseling?

Vanci over at Not My Rock addresses the truths that need to be faced...

The post is really worth the time to read and is exactly why I needed a counselor to show me that the rock I was standing on wasn't a rock at all; it was a rotted crust with smoking vapors and noxious gas that was slowly destroying me and anyone that had to be in contact with me.  It effected relationships, work, family, health, and I couldn't see for myself that it wasn't a rock.  I was trained to believe that all things bad were my fault.  I was taught that it was my responsibility to keep other people happy.  I was taught that taking abuse was normal and if I complained I was the one unreasonable and I needed to be more forgiving.  The counselor broke the funky distorted glasses I wore since childhood.  Blow after blow to the mirror that created an illusion that didn't exist.  My counselor introduced me to my real self.  I couldn't do it on my own.  I was too well trained to believe the lies of my past.

KavinCoach asked me about my childhood in the second month of counseling.  I leaned back on the couch shared by my husband and was puzzled.  I had a great childhood.  We went to the park and we went to the zoo.  Then came the fist sledge hammer to my perfect childhood.  KavinCoach asked, "Tell me an average day."  A single statement shattering of a thousand lies rocked my mind.  No one...I mean NO ONE...had ever challenged me on this lie that I told for years.  I realized in high school that I couldn't remember my childhood.  I read books like "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" and "Bellview a State of Mind."  Searching but not knowing what I was looking for.  By the time I was 15 years old I believed something was very wrong with me.  But repeatedly I was taught to doubt my own truth.  In a single statement KavinCoach validated a hidden belief that I almost forgotten; there was something wrong with me.  At that same moment, the lies shattered.  I was paralized with fear.  How would I get out of this mess?  KavinCoach offered to lead me out, ON THE CONDITION, that I did the work.  I have worked.  He would shatter the lies and I would learn to stand in truth.  The pretty lies as well as the ugly lies all had to go.  It was painful.  Hard. So incredible freeing.  I can now stand in the sunshine of truth and breath freely.

Counseling is not for anyone that is looking for an easy out.  Counseling can be its own kind of hell with a bad counselor.  Counseling is a partnership between a knowledgeable professional and a hurting human.  For me, it also included Christ in my corner.  Learning that truth is worth whatever I had to do to get there.  Like Vanci said in her blog, I am a good person.  It feels so good to say it and believe it.  It feels so good to come out of the shadows of my past.  Counseling is tough.  Hard to know if you can trust a counselor when people that should have taken care of you hurt you instead.  You can go online and find as many stories of bad experiences as good experiences with counselors.  I do know that no matter who your counselor is, if you are not willing to do the work of opening up and letting the garbage out, nothing will happen.  I remember the Dr. Banks tape I used to listen to, "A broken finger will heal without your cooperation, but not a broken soul."  I didn't even know I was broken until KavinCoach shattered the lies and let the real image in.

Shattered Lies


Laurel Hawkes said...

The difference is the broken finger may or may not be as strong as it was, but it won't be stronger. Your soul, depending on your continuing choices will become stronger and stronger.

Ruth said...

I like that idea. Thanks for sharing Laurel. :)

mulderfan said...

"I was too well trained to believe the lies of my past."

This kind of understanding is how I am now able to forgive myself for the years I "wasted" trying to say or do the right thing so I'd make them happy and they would love me. Those raised with a healthy sense of self have no idea how powerful conditioning can be.

There are days when I still question my recall of events which is one of the reasons I used to replay them in my head. They always told me I "went off the deep-end", "exaggerated", was "too sensitive" or was just a "dirty little liar". Do that often enough to a child and they believe it!

I look back now and realize, if I was accused of these things, I must have been questioning their reality even as a child.

So glad you found such a wonderful counselor. Seeing the truth is extremely painful and many would have walked away. Good on you, Ruth!XXOO P/M

Ruth said...

Thanks mulderfan. (((hugs)))

Ruth said...

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Joey Adams

Saw this on my quotes today. HA!

Evan said...

Hi Ruth,

I think it is really important when people choose a counsellor that they choose someone who they feel 'gets them'. This doesn't mean liking the counsellor necessarily.

This is especially important when people were told as children not to trust their own experience.

It is great that you found such a good counsellor. I hope your current one is just as good.

Ruth said...

I am blessed with two very different but good counselors. I am thankful that I am able to get the help I need.

Counseling Jacksonville Fl said...

Your concepts were easy to understand that I wondered why I never looked at it prior to. Glad to find out that there's a blogger out there that certainly understands what he's discussing. Excellent.

Anonymous said...

Whoah this weblog is wonderful i love studying your posts. Stay up the great work! You already know, many individuals are looking round for this info, you can help them greatly.

Ruth said...

I'm glad it helped.