Vanci over at Not My Rock addresses the truths that need to be faced...
The post is really worth the time to read and is exactly why I needed a counselor to show me that the rock I was standing on wasn't a rock at all; it was a rotted crust with smoking vapors and noxious gas that was slowly destroying me and anyone that had to be in contact with me. It effected relationships, work, family, health, and I couldn't see for myself that it wasn't a rock. I was trained to believe that all things bad were my fault. I was taught that it was my responsibility to keep other people happy. I was taught that taking abuse was normal and if I complained I was the one unreasonable and I needed to be more forgiving. The counselor broke the funky distorted glasses I wore since childhood. Blow after blow to the mirror that created an illusion that didn't exist. My counselor introduced me to my real self. I couldn't do it on my own. I was too well trained to believe the lies of my past.
KavinCoach asked me about my childhood in the second month of counseling. I leaned back on the couch shared by my husband and was puzzled. I had a great childhood. We went to the park and we went to the zoo. Then came the fist sledge hammer to my perfect childhood. KavinCoach asked, "Tell me an average day." A single statement shattering of a thousand lies rocked my mind. No one...I mean NO ONE...had ever challenged me on this lie that I told for years. I realized in high school that I couldn't remember my childhood. I read books like "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" and "Bellview a State of Mind." Searching but not knowing what I was looking for. By the time I was 15 years old I believed something was very wrong with me. But repeatedly I was taught to doubt my own truth. In a single statement KavinCoach validated a hidden belief that I almost forgotten; there was something wrong with me. At that same moment, the lies shattered. I was paralized with fear. How would I get out of this mess? KavinCoach offered to lead me out, ON THE CONDITION, that I did the work. I have worked. He would shatter the lies and I would learn to stand in truth. The pretty lies as well as the ugly lies all had to go. It was painful. Hard. So incredible freeing. I can now stand in the sunshine of truth and breath freely.
Counseling is not for anyone that is looking for an easy out. Counseling can be its own kind of hell with a bad counselor. Counseling is a partnership between a knowledgeable professional and a hurting human. For me, it also included Christ in my corner. Learning that truth is worth whatever I had to do to get there. Like Vanci said in her blog, I am a good person. It feels so good to say it and believe it. It feels so good to come out of the shadows of my past. Counseling is tough. Hard to know if you can trust a counselor when people that should have taken care of you hurt you instead. You can go online and find as many stories of bad experiences as good experiences with counselors. I do know that no matter who your counselor is, if you are not willing to do the work of opening up and letting the garbage out, nothing will happen. I remember the Dr. Banks tape I used to listen to, "A broken finger will heal without your cooperation, but not a broken soul." I didn't even know I was broken until KavinCoach shattered the lies and let the real image in.