How do you know that someone respects you? For starters, their behavior demonstrates concern for your welfare & your feelings. They're also considerate to those who are close to you. They never reveal your confidences & they always try to do what's best for you. They acknowledge your boundaries: they take "No" for an answer & don't keep pushing against your limits. They consider your point of view & take your opinion seriously. They don't gratuitously try to irritate you; they think about how their behavior is likely to affect you. They keep their promises & don't make excuses for their mistakes. They don't get defensive when you call them on something & they apologize when they mess up. They listen carefully to what you have to say & answer the questions you ask them. They never, ever try to manipulate, coerce or bully you. They never, ever betray or abuse you. Everyone deserves respect. Now you know what to look for.
I was shone respect by example. First, by some of the teachers I had, then by my counselors. I struggled with accepting being treated with respect. I kept looking for the catch; what was their angle? What did they want from me? I struggled with trusting their behavior to be exactly what they represented. I posted Ruthless Compassion's definition and invite my readers to share: how do you define respect? What does it look like and act like?
2 comments:
Great post, Ruth! I think this is something we all need to be reminded of on occasion, in particular when we begin to find that someone we love is treating us in a way in-congruent to this description.
Having people honour my boundaries would be #1 with me. In my "new life" I've also come to value the friendship of people that support my decisions whether they agree with them or not.
For instance, I have "normie" friends that are puzzled by my need to go NC with my parents, yet they respect that decision.
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