This is a continuation from yesterday.
Judgment is another one of those words that get batted around by abusers as a way to avoid consequences. They scream, "Don't judge me," as their are kicking the crap out of you. We are required to make judgements everyday. We decide if it is safe to get on the freeway. We make decisions about what we will eat. A basic attribute of the decision making process is making judgments. I also been on the receiving end of judgments. Being shunned because I have a mental illness, PTSD. People jump to conclusions about me when they hear I am in counseling. Some of those judgments are unjust. What I am working at doing, with the help of my counselor, is gaining new perspectives as to why people do what they do. This summer I experienced a major paradigm shift. I judged my mother to be safer than she actually is. I gave her too much leniency that nearly had huge negative consequences. I had to reassess my judgment of how safe she is or more accurately how dangerous she is to my emotional well being. She may be in her 80's but that doesn't make her tongue any less vicious. I am accepting that she can no longer physically hurt me. But that doesn't mean I can judge her to be a safe person to be around, I especially cannot be alone with her, ever. No matter how sorry I feel for her, no matter what empathy I may feel, she is not safe for me to be around her. I am only kidding myself and setting myself up to be hurt again if I release that judgment. I do agree that I need to judge myself less harshly. I need to reassess how I view myself. Treat myself with the same compassion I would treat someone else. I believe it is healthy to question myself with my perspective of people and situations. I also believe in trusting my own instincts when for some undefined reason I judge a person or situation as not safe.
Part 3 tomorrow........
|You can mourn because rose bushes have thorns; or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.|