Change and emotions

Ruthless Compassion Institute

In order to have a better life & to suffer less, changes have to be made. But change is hard. It's painful to let go of the familiar & embrace the new, even if this new way of living is much better. Change requires grieving what you're giving up, even if this was really bad for you. It was your old familiar habit, attitude or idea & you have to acknowledge the loss as you let it go. Change also requires action. Thinking about change, wanting to change, hoping for change will not bring change. You have to do the work of change. So change is really hard. People love the familiar & fear the new. We prefer inertia to action, but you have to ask yourself then, "Do I want to keep on living this way?" If the answer is "No," then you might find yourself motivated to change. Not because someone told you to, but because you know that doing the work of change right now is the right choice for you.

Change is a constant in my life. I am working on yet another change.  The line that really struck me is the one that states: "Change requires grieving what you're giving up, even if this was really bad for you."  I hadn't thought about grieving letting go of things that were not good for me.  The challenge for me is to separate grieving from becoming depressed again.  Unfortunately, the two are mixed up in my mind, both grieving and depression have similar feelings but are actually quite different.  I thought I would be thrilled to let go of some of the things I do that are bad for me.  I think another thing I need to stop doing is punishing myself for not letting go of some bad habits or choices sooner.  There are certain advantages for forgetting everything because then today is a fresh day.  Part of what I am experiencing is regret for past choices which is different from grieving or depression.  I believe not feeling any emotions for so many years has made me acutely aware of each one now that I am learning to separate and name each emotion.  When I first started to connect to my emotions I felt good or I felt bad, mostly I felt bad.  Feeling 'bad' was why I disassociated in the first place.  Recognizing the array of emotions is mind boggling sometimes.  Naming and identifying what is causing the emotions is sometimes even harder.  But naming the emotions is not enough.  I need to recognize the behavior changes that I need to do.  The scripture that comes to mind is James 2: 17 "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone."  Emotions without action are useless, however I don't need to act upon ever emotion.  Some emotions need to be acknowledged and I believe grieving is one of those.  I think I need to do more research on this.  This is taking me in directions that I had not expected to go.  Changing my path and my habits does lead me into new areas, I wonder why I feel surprised that things are different than I expected?