or what we believe is, in the
end, of little consequence.
The only consequence is what we do"
- John Ruskin
I've waited for awhile for just the right post to go with this quote. Saved in draft for a while now.
I talked to MyCounselor about my food issues. While waiting for graduation to end for our school's seniors, I hand wrote my up-to-the-minute thoughts about me and food. It matters very little about what I think about food it is what I put in my mouth that counts. I can believe I am eating healthy but a calorie is a calorie no matter what I think about it. It was a tough session as I shared all the disjointed whacked-out beliefs I have about food. MyCounselor brought my thoughts to a screeching halt when he simply said, "If you diet, your mother wins." Aaaaggghhhh. You know, teenagers will cut off their nose despite their face in their need to rebel. I am not much different. I know I need to change how I eat. My heart depends on it. What I put in my mouth has a direct correlation with how I feel everyday. One of my statements: "I eat what I want when I want it." MyCounselor told me to own that thought. I do eat what I want when I want it. That is the most empowering statement I made. It was said in defiance but it is the crux of changing my life time habits. One of my concerns is flipping to the other side and becoming anorexic. My grandmother weighed less than 80 lbs when she came to live with us, years and years ago. She had it before the word became popular. She creeped me out looking like a skeleton with skin stretched over her bones. I wrote a research report about anorexia and learned that the first documented case was in the 1600 or 1700's. The reasons have changed the beliefs have changed but the consequence of starving yourself is the same. Anorexia, bulimia, any major eating disorder lead to life threatening situation. I eat what I want when I want it. My new mantra for changing my lifestyle to one that meets my bodies needs. I am not going to diet, I am changing my life. BTW I learned to like unsalted peanuts. Once I stopped expecting them to be salty, they are quite delicious in their own way. I choose to eat them. I can work them into my lifestyle in a way that is healthy. I am 50+ pounds over weight. However, I don't believe I will become a better person because I loose weight. I am a good person now that needs to be kinder to my heart. I plan to dance at my grand daughters wedding and she is only 7 years old. I am at the beginning of my path. My team is in place. My doctor is checking on my cholesterol and blood sugar levels, my daughter is my exercise coach, MyCounselor is helping me unravel my unhealthy thoughts and beliefs, but I have to do the work of creating a healthy life for myself. No obsessing about weight to the exclusion of all else. Steady progress down a path towards a healthier me. What I do makes all the difference.
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| Some of this will be worked into my lifestyle too. |
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