Other peoples approval

A child looks for and seeks out the approval of their parents.  Peek-a-boo, cute smiles, mimicking their parents, any number of things to gain their approval.  When it is not met, they seek approval else where.  Looking on the outside to find their worth and value.  Learning to value yourself from the inside without any encouragement from the outside is extremely difficult.  In my opinion it is a learned behavior.  Purpose Fairy list 9 reasons why we should no longer look for the approval of others. 

http://www.purposefairy.com/5212/9-reasons-why-you-should-no-longer-care-about-peoples-approval/

1. You Simply Can’t Be Liked by Everybody

2. You Can Live a Happy Life Without “Their” Approval

3. You Can’t Control What Other People Think of You

4. Approval Seeking Behavior is Time Consuming

5. Approval Seeking Behavior Drains Your Energy.

6. Freedom to Be Who You Want to Be

7. Inner Peace

8. You Are The One In Control of Your Life, Not Them!

9. The ONLY Person You Must Get Approval From Is YOU!

A few of these I learned before counseling, but many of these are key concepts that need to be taught. I knew I can't be liked by everybody but I thought I could get this from my mother.  I didn't understand that sometimes a mother is the last person that can love their child when they hate themselves.  I moved far away and discovered on my own that without 'their' approval my life was indeed happier.  No matter what I do I can't control someone else, their thoughts or their behavior.  MyCounselor demonstrated this in interesting way.  I was discussing a situation that I had and my concern that someone else would be angry over my choice.  He simple said, "So."  In that one word, I finally got that sometimes my choices will anger someone else.  It is not the end of the world.  Peace at all cost will cost me everything.  It does take a lot of time to run around trying to please someone else especially when they continually change how to get their approval.  Ever notice that around some people it is an instant energy drain.  My sister calls them emotional vampires, its a great term to describe a person that seems to suck the very life out of you.  When I am not running around pleasing someone else I am free to be me.  I am a very nice me and I can do me very well if I am not worried about what other people think.  Inner peace is kind of tricky for me.  I always believed that to have inner peace I had to be in a peaceful place with peace all around me.  KavinCoach taught me how to enter the eye of the storm, that spot where chaos is flying all around you but your peace is untouched.  It is amazing to finally experience that inner peace.  As long as I am trying to please someone else they are calling the shots in my life.  I turn my power over to them and they become my puppet master.  To become a real person, it is essential to cut those strings and stop giving my power away to someone else.  I am the only one that looks at myself every morning in the mirror.  I cannot get away from myself.  I tried.  I came about as close as it is possible to do by splitting personalities into pieces.  But at the end of the day, there I was looking at me in the mirror.  I needed to get my approval.  I believe liking myself completely, bad memories and all, was a key to integrating myself to one person.  It seems easy, but a life time of people pleasing is far more difficult to break than it appears.  I enjoy doing things for other people.  I noticed that when I want to do something I am in control, however if I am people pleasing they are in control.  Who do I want to have power over me?