Is Blame Useless?

"All blame is a waste of time. No matter
how much fault you find with another,
and regardless of how much you
blame him, it will not change you"
- Wayne Dyer

Click Here For Success Tip # 094

Have you ever run across someone that no matter what they say you just want to argue with them? This quote seems to do this for me because of who told me first.  I thought about it for a long time before choosing to tackle putting in words what bugs me about it.   

One of the first things that KavinCoach explained to me that as long as I blamed someone else for my problems I remained a victim and tied to my abuser.  OK, I get that.  The problem is the word "All blame".  If an abuser says, "All blame is a waste of time,"  they are invoking the 'Get-Out-of-Jail' free card.  What they are really saying is, "I will not take responsibility for my actions so accusing me will do no good."  I've seen it in the news when a company makes a faulty product pays the injured party while declaring it was a "no-fault" settlement.  No-fault divorce, no-fault accidents, no-fault settlements all dodging blame or taking responsibility for what they are doing.  Sometimes accusing someone is not about shifting responsibility; it is about expecting people to take responsibility for their behavior.  

Wikepedia has this information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blame

Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible...

 Sometimes it is important to hold a person or group responsible for their negative or harmful behavior.  I agree that as long as I say, "It is my abusers fault that I am messed up."  I can not move forward.  I can say, "This person hurt me in this way....."  Until I recognized that the behavior of my abuser was harmful and hurtful to me, I couldn't take the steps to processing and healing.  Narcissistics are masters at the blame game that is destructive to relationships.  Blaming statements such as, "You made me wreck the car today because you made me mad."  Totally shifts responsibility to another person for a behavior or problem.  If I were to rewrite this quote, this is how I would say it, "Shifting responsibility to someone else, will not change me."  However, as long as I denied the hurtful behavior of someone else, I could not heal.  I love what my daughter did.  A VIP at her work was rude to her in front of his entourage.  As he headed for the stairs, she clearly called after him, "You can't treat me like that."  When she related the incident I was worried for her for no reason.  The VIP apologized.  She called him on his poor behavior, he took responsibility for his actions, and corrected how he treated her.  Next time I hear this quote, I will consider who is telling me.  Then decide, are they trying to escape responsibility for their behavior or encouraging me to take responsibility for myself?