Sunday, August 10, 2014


The list continues......

7. I forgive myself. I am open to forgiving myself. Or I am willing to work on forgiving myself.
Forgiving myself...fortunately KavinCoach understood this far better than I did.  He taught me about Stockholm Syndrome
and about survivor's guilt  This is the advantage of a good counselor, they already know about some of the struggles that abuse survivors will experience.  He realized how severe my guilt was when I talked of suicide and he finally understood that for me suicide would be an execution not running from pain.  I felt so guilty about what happened to some of the others that were caught up in the same nightmare I was that I felt I deserved to die.  A child is easy to convince that it is their fault that horrible things happened to them.  Adults struggle with understanding this as well.  Often I heard about forgiving others and I worked hard at doing this.  I was in counseling before the concept and necessity of forgiving myself became a topic of discussion.  It is also far more difficult for me than forgiving others.  I know what is in my own mind and condemning myself is a habit. Part of "Love thy neighbor, AS THYSELF," is to give myself the same opportunity to be forgiven.  It is not easy for me.  It is key to allowing myself to feel joy.  

Guilt feels liked I am chained to my past.


jessie said...

" It is key to allowing myself to feel joy"

This is a really interesting thought. I've been struggling lately with allowing myself to feel joy, happiness, contentment. I hadn't thought about it in the context of forgiveness. Thanks for giving me something to ponder.

Ruth said...

I hope it helps. Softer feelings can sometimes get pushed aside in day to day living.