Monday, August 11, 2014

Needs, Not alone, Embrace life

The list continues...... remember 11 was posted the other day:

10. My needs are important.
First, I have to know what my needs are....yea that can be kind of tough.  Maybe a place to start is considering myself as worth taking care of.   I need proper nutrition.  I need time to eat.  I need time to exercise, I need to pay for my health care, and many basic things that most people assume as their rights.  My counselor had me read the book Men that hate women and the women that love them. This book is where I learned about I have the right....  The book totally changed how I viewed myself.  It takes time and effort to go from a person that believes they are not worthy to be fed to knowing that medical care and basic needs can be met.  I am still working on understanding what I need and believing that I am important enough to have those needs met.

12. I am ready to embrace whatever comes next.
Living with I just listened to Froglogic on this subject.  Raised with fear as my motivator I always tried to avoid it.  First my counselors and now Froglogic encourage me to embrace my fears.  Courage isn't needed when no fear exists.  I also came across a meme that I am hoping to find again.
To combat Flight, Freeze, or Fight:

Pause - Take a deep breath to allow time to observe.
Think - Keep your reaction out of the amygdala, or reptilian brain.  Use the rest of the brain to look for a variety of solutions
Choose to act - Choose a solution by acting on circumstances instead of knee-jerk reaction.
Adjust - After choosing a course of action sometimes an adjustment needs to be made as things may or may not work as planned. 

Stepping forward with courage allows embracing whatever comes next possible.

13. While I might feel like it, I am not alone. There are many resources I can turn to — loved ones, therapy, support groups (online and off), self-help books, memoirs, myself.
For me I added to this list, belief in Christ assures me I am never alone.  The internet connected me to others facing similar struggles, articles, facebook memes, videos, words of encouragement all depends on what I go looking for.  Self-help books were a cornerstone to my therapy.  I had homework.  I gave myself more homework.  I read book after book after book on my challenges.  I didn't sit around waiting for someone one to spoon feed me.  One of the greatest books I find on how to deal with abuse is scriptures.  God's dealing with man has shown repeatedly how one person abuses, betrays, hurts another.  One of my favorites is Joseph sold into Egypt. Powerful resources exist all around me.

There are ways to connect to others.   If I feel alone what am I doing that I am isolating myself.  Have I called a friend or one of my kids? Have I said hello to my Facebook friends?  Or is my aloneness self inflicted because depression is getting an upper hand?  Even a person on a deserted island without electricity is not alone if they believe in Christ.  New neighbors are moving in.  Will I greet them?  People at the grocery store, will I smile?  We are awash in people.  My challenge is to feel connected.  I know the feeling of being alone in a crowd.  The lack of connection had more to do with me than it ever had to do with them.  Accepting my responsibility to reach out and connect to others led to writing this blog and starting my PTSD blog  I am reaching out to those that feel like no one could possibly understand what it is like to live in/through hell.  There is life after victimhood.  There is more than mere survival.  I believe firmly in accepting where I am, coping with now and learning to thrive in the future.  Thriving is becoming my now and connecting to others is part of thriving.

14. Right now I really need …
There it is the optimal question to ask to accept where I am right now in my life.  Right now what do I really need.... sometimes that answer is I really need to go to work. Why?  I have bills to pay and things that take money.  It is ok to need that.  Right now I really need ....information, then look it up, find someone who knows, get a counselor to help lead.  Right now I really need....  Acceptance of what I really need is the first step to getting what I need.  I was raised by a martyr that always put everyone's else's needs first.  She filled up with bitterness instead of filling her needs.  That bitterness poured out on my sister and I.  I am learning that I don't do anyone any favors by daily denying my needs.  I know that sometimes there is an occasion to put someone else first but you can't give water from an empty bucket.  The airlines recognize that you put the oxygen mask on the parent first and then help the child.  My kids know the hard way that mother passed out on the floor doesn't do much towards getting dinner cooked.  I relearned....tore out years of training and behavior and installed a new operating system.... can you tell I fixed computer for 15 years?


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