Thursday, August 14, 2014

I decide

23. I’d love for my days to include …

 a nap.  Yup....I don't sleep well at night so a nap is just lovely. 

24. Today, honestly, I feel … terribly sad but also excited. 
Robin Williams taking his own life is hitting me harder than I expected.  It is bringing me face to face with my own dark feelings and suicidal ideation.  I am also very excited.  My son is bringing his family home after being in China for 3 years.  I am so excited to see them.  I am learning a lot about feeling multiple feelings at the same time.  I am working on a much longer post about suicide but I am not ready to write it just yet.  I am still processing what I am feeling. 

25. Whatever I’m feeling is valid and OK. I can sit with this feeling, breathing in and out. 
My first counselor taught me to feel.  The second counselor taught me how to sit with an emotion, feeling, validating and processing what and why I feel the way I do.  Sometimes it is not an easy task.

"Late Lament"

Breathe deep the gathering gloom,
Watch lights fade from every room.
Bedsitter people look back and lament,
Another day's useless energy spent.
Impassioned lovers wrestle as one,
Lonely man cries for love and has none.
New mother picks up and suckles her son,
Senior citizens wish they were young.
Cold hearted orb that rules the night,
Removes the colours from our sight.
Red is grey and yellow white.
But we decide which is right.
And which is an illusion?

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