Thursday, October 30, 2014

Hard to write

I find it hard to write an up beat post about overcoming depression when I watch myself slide deeper and deeper back into depression.  I love Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, unfortunately 'tis' the season' for deepening depression.  It is called seasonal depression and I know I am not the only one that feels it.  My new counselor helped yesterday as I discussed problems at work and at home.  I wish I could work things out myself.  However, I don't seem to be able to do that.  Once that slippery darkness starts creeping in I struggle more and more to think logically of healthy solutions.  I did realize in talking about what I am concerned about that I do know some helps.  I am not without resources.  I do have a fairly clear understanding of where my struggles lay.  I did work out why things at school got to me so quickly.  I was able to practice strategies to correct an issue with the students.  Pin pointed where I need to set appropriate boundaries.  Worked out a plan of action that will hopefully build an atmosphere of positive encouragement.  The counselor suggested several more things I hadn't thought of plus gave me word phrases that were more positive.  I am going into the toughest time of the year knowing it is going to get worse.  I love all the activities but I wish we could spread them out over more months than two.  My daughter pointed out that she has a major activity every single Saturday for the next month.  My schedule is filling rapidly.  I am starting to find a new groove at school but feel sad that I now dread going to work.  The beginning of the school year I was early almost everyday.  Now, I can barely convince myself to get out the door and stay less than 10 minutes late.  Such a disappointment, the year started out so well with just the right amount of challenge.  Now I am constantly overwhelmed and more discouraged everyday.  Breathe.  In - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - Out - 1- 2 - 3 - 4.  Yup.  Breathing is good. One of the biggies my counselor talked to me about is lowering my standards for myself.  Don't put so much pressure on myself.  We planned out mini mental vacations.  She also suggested I take regular breaks before I hit melt down stage.  Planned breaks.  We also talked about accepting others where they are at.  I want to be accepted and I need to be willing to extend what I hope for. 

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