Saturday, October 4, 2014

How do you think your mental health will effect our family in the future?

  This is a series of post answering questions posed by Kevin's daughter.  I asked permission to answer each of these questions as if I was answering my adult children.  I will also include a link to Kevin's answer. (I don't read his blog until after I write mine.)

14. How do you think your mental health will effect our family in the future?

I could have easily answered this before last summer.  Last summer, my Dad had pace maker to prevent a heart attack.  My mother spiraled out of control wrecking havoc.  I realized how quickly a rhythm of living can be shook up and derailed.  I would love to say that my mental illness will not effect our family in the future but I would be creating an illusion that would eventually explode.  I don't know what the future will hold.  What I want to do is continue to better learn how to manage PTSD.  Teach all of you that it is ok to reach out to a counselor or others to learn better ways of living than you were taught.  I hope that as I heal each relationship may become healthier.  I know that some of this progress will mean apologizing for past mistakes and acknowledging old hurts.  Several of you kids have already addressed this with me.  I prefer to take responsibility for my actions rather allowing anything to fester and cause hard feelings in our future.  I am also aware that being human I will make mistakes in the future too.  I hope that our relationship is such that we can openly talk about how we feel and work to find ways to strengthen each other.  Ideally we get to live happily ever after.  This isn't a story book.  I remember quite clearly the devastation I felt when I found out I had cancer 13 years ago.  These abrupt changes happen.  However, I have goals to strengthen and develop our relationships.  This bonding is slow going for me.  Not your fault and I appreciate the patience you have with me.  I look to the future and feel hopeful.  That is a lovely feeling that I felt only in the last few years.  I feel like our future is bright.

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