Friday, October 10, 2014


I've been answering questions asked by Kevin's daughter another blogger that also lives with mental illness.
This generated a lot of introspection and reviewing my life and living with my mental illness PTSD.  There are those out on the internet writing blogs and Facebook memes that wish to say PTSD is not a mental illness.  Whether a person is born with a glitch in their minds, damaged emotionally by accident or on purpose the results are the same, mental illness.  Rather than denying I hurt mentally and emotionally it would be wonderful that mental illness was treated like cancer or diabetes or heart disease, a challenge to team up and overcome the effects as much as possible.  Unfortunately, there is not that much acceptance in the world.  I remember in the early stages of understanding what was really wrong with me I would sing to myself, "There's a place for us.....somewhere a place for us..."(song from West Side Story.) In 10 years, I've come a long way.  The question about what would I change if I could, turned out to be something lots of people struggle with time.  Do I wish I didn't have night mares? Of course.  Do I wish I didn't have triggers that can send me into a trembling mass of fear? Of course.  Do I wish I never suffered at the hands a crazy pedophile? Of course.  But these things did happen.  I did have experiences that could compete with a Stephen King book.  My life has challenges that caused PTSD at 5 years old and I've seen the chaos when it is left denied and untreated.  I learned to take on tough challenges and hit them head on.  I don't win everyday.  I also don't lose everyday.  I win some and lose some like everybody else.  KavinCoach said I was like a 10,000 piece puzzle, hard but not impossible.  I realized that I have changed the game.  I am no longer passively letting PTSD push me around and down.  I fight back.  I am learning more and more techniques to gain strength.  I am happier than I have ever been.  I am stronger than I have ever been.  I am teaming with another counselor.  I want to learn more.  I need a teacher to help me stay focused on the important stuff like choosing mentally healthy techniques to overcome PTSD.  Keep me focused on improving important relationships family and friends.  Someone that I can share ideas and struggles who has a background of helping others.  I am learning what is truly amazing is not how I am different from everybody else because of PTSD but how much I am like everyone else.  The things that help me, others can use to help with their challenges what ever those challenges maybe. 

Our loads get heavy sometimes. 


jessie said...

Ruth, thank you for posting on your PTSD. I had always assumed PTSD happened to soldiers or people with extreme violence (like your molestation) in their background. But the more I've learned, the more it dawned on me....I have PTSD too. I finally got the courage up to tell my therapist I thought I had PTSD (I didn't believe I had been traumatized enough to warrant that diagnosis). She agreed with me. You posts on this topic help me to get to that point and have helped me in my healing. Thanks so much.

Ruth said...

You are welcome Jessie. I'm glad it helped you.