Monday, October 13, 2014

Which of your traits and personality would you like me to avoid having and why?

  This is a series of post answering questions posed by Kevin's daughter.  I asked permission to answer each of these questions as if I was answering my adult children.  I will also include a link to Kevin's answer. (I don't read his blog until after I write mine.)

17.  Which of your traits and personality would you like me to avoid having and why?

I believe this is another question that every parent ask themselves.  Parents often work at changing themselves so their kids don't pick up their bad habits.  Since all you have your own kids you will understand the frustration of our children picking up on your bad habits much faster than our good ones.  I remember in high school reading a story about "Why Mommy spanks me."  The little boy in the story talks about watching his Dad working on the car and smacking his hand, the father jumps up and down and says a queer word.  The little boy goes on to say that he jumped up and down and said the same queer word.  His Mommy spanked him.  I swore I wouldn't do that.  Heavy sigh.  I found that too often you kids were punished for things I unconsciously taught you.  There is a reason for cliches such as, "Do as I say not as I do."  Lets face it, parents mess up.  Our kids watch us. 

Mental illness adds a difficult dimension to an everyday occurrence.  PTSD is documented as being catchy, especially by kids who's parents have PTSD.  I was devastated when I recognized the connection between difficulties I saw in my children lives with my behavior.  I was inconsistent.  I was a difficult mother to have.  I had monster fears that were difficult to negotiate.  I really struggled with a huge feeling of guilt because of my inability to care for the family.  Being in bed for seven years does not make for a great way to raise a family. I can quickly think of a whole slew of things I hope my children avoid having in their lives.  I believe the worse trait that impacted our family is my complete disconnect.  Not showing emotion leaves little room for relationships.  Disconnect cuts you off to family and friends even Heavenly Father.  I don't see this trait in any of you.  I remind myself that darling husband, DH, was also your parent.  He doesn't disconnect.  All of you have your own strengths that will help you counteract any and all challenges coming from me.  That is what I believe.  I pray for you and hope you will over come all of life challenges.    

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