The first part of June I took a trip to visit my daughter's family. In preparation, I made sure my computer had the latest virus protection. I only use the laptop on trips and didn't use it before leaving. When I arrived at her house, I discovered that the software was installed but not activated. I spent the week using the computer as little as possible for fear of getting a killer virus. After returning home, I checked the desktop computer for the information I needed to activate the laptop. I found the needed folder. I then double checked the laptop. There was the folder with the needed information sitting with the same folder. I had the pin for the software with me the entire week. I just needed to know what I was looking for. My laptop is now properly activated.
This week NewCounselor asked me to write about what I needed to feel safe. I told him that I didn't know what it means to be safe. I don't feel safe. He chided me a bit and said I did know. So I started describing a relationship that I considered that I didn't feel safe. He listened for a bit then explained, "That isn't about feeling safe, that is about feeling accepted." With a bit more discussion NewCounselor realized that I really didn't understand what it meant to be safe. I equated safe with accepted and he clarified that wasn't it. He then explained that when we feel safe we are emotionally in control of ourselves in a situation. I don't need to feel accepted to feel safe. Conflict can exist and still feel safe. I wasn't looking for the right thing. I feel safe more often than I thought. I just didn't know what I was looking for. I am going to try the assignment again but now I know what it means to be safe. I don't feel safe very often but now I know what I am looking for.
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| I felt safe because this guy was behind the zoo enclosure wall. |
6 comments:
Thanks for sharing this Ruth. I didn't know there was a difference between safe and accepted either. Something to think about.
Very thought provoking Ruth! I have always felt that people who have no problem feeling accepted by others are the ones who were loved unconditionally and consistently by good parents. Aren’t they the lucky ones!
Wow... My thought too! Safe and accepted are different? Who knew? Shuffling perspective...
Counselor's job is to shift my perspective and then allow me to decide how to handle things. Thanks Kara it is reassuring to know that I am not the only one that thought they were the same. Molly I don't know very many people that feel accepted. It may be just the crowd a run with but feelings of acceptance seem to be a challenge for many. Laurel apparently the counselor knew and I appreciate him sharing the info. :)
This is an interesting clarification. I'm not sure where I fall on it. Weirdly, I think I feel accepted much more often than safe. At least that's what my initial gut-check tells me. I think it is because I still assume that I am going to somehow screw things up. I'm not safe from myself, in other words.
I agree. I didn't know there was a difference between feeling safe and feeling accepted. I don't know if I've ever felt accepted. I do know I have never felt safe.
And as if I wasn't already confused enough...I don't think I could feel safe if I wasn't feeling accepted. I've always felt different and we know what people think of those that are different.
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