Research begins

"I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death." Leonardo Da Vinci


Emotional Safety falls into two categories of research, psychological and neurological.  Both can be fairly tricky to read.  Words mean one thing to me can mean something else to the researchers.  In the more technical writings, sitting next to the computer to look up words is handy.  I used to get very frustrated with the psycobabble in many of the papers then I reminded myself my ability to talk technobabble that means practically nothing except to another tech.  Each field of study has their own set of words that help them talk more precisely about what they are doing.

(Side story:  When I worked as a computer tech, I was the one that made the phone calls to get warranty work or repairs done.  Often these calls were answered by some low paid person with a book in front of them telling them what to say.  Each call I start by using simple generic terms describing the problem so I can be directed to the correct person to help me.  One such call the person listening to me talk became extremely exasperated and demanded that I put the tech on the phone.  I calmly replied, "I can put down the phone and walk out of the room but when the tech comes in you are still going to be talking to me."
He huffed, "I thought you were the secretary."
I replied, "Am I talking to a tech?"
"Well of course you are," he shot back.
"Actually, I don't know that.  Many times the first person I talk to is not a tech," I continued in the same calm voice.
I switched to tech talk and told him in highly technical terms exactly the problem I encountered.
There was a long pause...."Can you hold please, I'll connect you with an engineer."  His tone was so much politer.  I enjoyed the change from rude to almost apologetic.)

So I really do understand that when psychologist or neurologist are talking to each other, I need a dictionary.  Fortunately, some of the articles are written for people like me.  One of the articles I read considered that there are 6 areas that encompass emotional safety.  The author has her clients, couples in marriage counseling, rate each of these areas on a scale 1-10. 

1) Respect: How much do each of them feel respected by their partner? People who report low levels of respect often experience criticism or judgment from the other.

2) Feeling Heard: How much does their partner listen to them? Those who don’t feel heard complain of being ignored, tuned out or talked over by the other.

3) Understood: How much do each of them feel understood by their partner? People with low levels of understanding from the other report frustration around their partner not getting them or twisting their words into an entirely different meaning.

4) Validation: How much do they each feel validated by each other? Low levels of validation are problematic to any relationship in that one or both don’t feel that their partner gets what they’re saying. Its one step beyond understanding and it doesn’t require the partner to necessarily agree with them.

5) Empathy: How much do they each feel the other can be empathetic with them? A low number on this is the most toxic of the six aspects in that a lack of empathy in a relationship means a lack of attunement to the others emotions. The partner experiencing a lack of empathy can experience a great deal of sadness or anger. “You don’t care how I feel.”

6) Love: How much do they feel loved by each other? This encapsulates and reflects the state of the previous five. Couples who report low levels of feeling loved by the other typically have low numbers in the other aspects. 

http://www.wellness.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=396

I think with this expanded definition I am starting to wrap my mind around what emotional safety is on a psychological level.   I am now more curious about the neurological aspect of emotional safety.

The Zoo trainer felt safe holding this bald eagle.  I enjoyed getting the up-close pictures