Prayers and Answers

I have kept these two posts open on my Firefox for a week now trying to tackle this post.  Each time I feel inadequate to the task.  On Facebook my friend shared a beautiful picture of Christ and one of her friends wrote several comments about the picture being inaccurate and no proof that he ever existed.  I didn't share much on the comments because I suspected the author was spoiling for a fight though he denied that motive.  I picked up a tone of 'dare-to-prove-me-wrong.'  I let my friend know she had my support but stepped back from engaging in the exchange.  I knew my emotions were too clouded with past experiences.  Times when someone I knew challenged my beliefs and relentlessly attacked from every angle.  This long ago battle stayed with me.  I continued my research into how do I share my belief with those that so adamantly disagree.  I learned, I don't.

I was led through a series of events and keeping the thought in my mind to the clear understanding that those that do not believe in God have no more tangible proof that He does not exist then I have that He does exist.  I like what my friend said that she would rather err on the side of believing in God.  Interesting that my desire to win an argument spurred me to keep looking for answers.  God knows me, He is willing to use any hook to get me to study more and in time I learned to trust Him.   I read accounts that other people had with angels.  I studied other people's experience.  The second year of counseling was rocky.  I was furious with God for not answering my prayers many years before when I so desperately begged for help in raising my kids.  Gaining understanding how my mental illness harmed my children hurt me deeply.   God let me rage at Him.  I still didn't cry much but cried buckets in my heart.  I sometimes hurt from the grief.  The one thing that I wanted to do 'right' was to be a good mom.  God stood by His timing.  I softened my heart and learned that His definition of right and mine is not always the same.  It changed our relationship.  How do I know He exists?  Faith. It is not something I can give to someone else.  It is not something I can show anyone.  It is not something I can prove to someone else.  That is when I understood that each person's journey with God is different and uniquely their own.  I can share what I learned and others may or may not listen to me.  What I learned is mine to keep or discard.  I am keeping what I learned treasured in my heart.  I am also willing to share what I learn but expect no one to change their belief to match mine.  I will not argue because it just widens the gap between friends without improving knowledge or understanding.  I know God lives and loves me.  He sent His son to make a sacrifice I barely comprehend.  I know that my Savior came to find me in the darkest of pits.  A broken lamb was just as important to Him as anyone else.  He sees value and worth in me that I never saw for myself.  Words fail me in sharing my gratitude of that long ago battle that kept me looking for answers to my questions. 

http://www.purposefairy.com/9081/what-is-the-meaning-of-prayer/
Purposefairy shared this definition of prayer:

P               Purpose:

Purpose of prayer is to establish a relationship with the divine.  It builds love, hope and character

R               Reflection

Reflection of your life, dreams, aspirations and what you have learned through your daily experiences

A               Angels

We can communicate to our angels in time of need and ask for encouragement and strength

Y                Yearning

Yearn for the spiritual connection with the divine.  All prayers are answered in time

E                Eternal

All prayers are eternal and the moment we pray they are placed out into the universe.  The universe is always listening and presents us with options

R               Receive

Be willing to receive guidance through prayer, intuition, signs and dreams.

http://holleygerth.com/what-if-it-seems-like-god-is-saying-no-to-what-you-want/

And along the way God may say…

“Not this season.”

“Not this job.”

“Not this door.”

The challenge in those moments is to not close our hearts–to believe that if God says “not this” to something we hold dear to us that He’s still saying “yes” to the desire deep within us. That takes trust and tenacity and sometimes a lot of tears. But here’s the encouraging part: when we do get to what God has for us it’s always better than what we dreamed for ourselves in the beginning. 

And that turns all the “not this” answers along the way into one big “This was all worth it” that we can finally say.