Have you ever used, "It's not an excuse, it's a reason." Wasn't until I was in counseling I understood how often I used someone else's opinion as a reason not to do something. I was talking to MyCounselor about a decision I needed to make. I expressed my concern that my choice would upset someone else. He look straight at me and said, "So." Wait...What? I used my fears, other people's opinions, past experiences and many other excuses to keep myself immobilized. Moving forward involves risk taking. Risk taking has the possibility of failure. Failure is hard to take so blaming someone or something else is easier. Unfortunately, it also kept me from progressing. I felt like I didn't control my own destiny. So #8 out of ten of the things that I must give up to move forward is my tendency to make excuses. Failure is uncomfortable so blaming someone else is a quick fix that sadly binds me to that failure. When I own the failure or fear, then I can do something to change it. I can learn from my mistakes instead of being immobilized by them. I was the excuse that my pedophile used to molest me. If I wasn't cute, if I wasn't available, if I hadn't let him....really a child letting an adult? I don't like being blamed for someone else's failure to live a decent life. He wallowed in filthy behavior because of his choices not me. Taking responsibility for my actions, gives me control over myself. I so did not comprehend this at first. I remember many, many sessions with both my counselors talking about how much control I have over a situation. I make a decision and I decide if I can live with the consequences. I don't like the results, I can re-decide and try a different solution. I took back my power when I let go of the excuses. I couldn't hang on to my power and grab excuses at the same time. However, I can learn some of the whys that are stumbling blocks for me. I learned that if anyone grabbed my wrist or ankle I would freak out. PTSD was the excuse. I started wearing a bracelet all the time. The first day after 15 minutes I threw the bracelet across the room. I could have stopped right there and hid behind the excuse, "I can't because I have PTSD" or I can try for 20 minutes the next day, then 30 minutes. I chose to end the excuses. PTSD is still part of my life, its just not an excuse for not moving forward. I can now wear anklets and bracelets all day long and sometimes I forget I am wearing them. If a person grabs my wrist, I learned a move in karate that gets me out of it. I give up my excuses; I take back the power in my life. For me, that is an awesome incentive.
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| Lose the chains of excuses and take flight. |
2 comments:
There was a blog I used to read that the woman often claimed "reasons" for her husband's infidelities and sex addiction. She frustrated me because although she tried to discern between excuses and reasons, I thought she was playing a semantics game instead of taking a harder look at what needed to be done to change things.
But it was good that she tried to explain things away because it made me think harder about my own excuses.
Thanks Pandora for sharing this. I noticed too that someone else's behavior gets me to think about my own.
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