- J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
I'll start by saying that I went to watch the first Harry Potter movie, The Sorcerer's Stone, along with a bunch of ladies from work. I heard about cool computer graphics and special effects. At the time, I worked for a university in their computer animation program taking care of the computers. That first movie I had no interest in Harry to begin with. From the time Hermione fixed his glasses I became enthralled with the story. (I watched the movie 3 more times to pay attention to the Computer Graphics, CG.) I now own the books and movies. Yes, I read the last book in one weekend. I cleared the calendar, bought the book Friday night and finished the last chapter before work on Monday morning.... There were bits and pieces that enthralled me that still stay with me. This particular line had a profound impact. It is our choices.
One of the cliches that really bothered me is the phrase, "Hurt people, hurt people." I hated the assumption that because I was hurt then I would choose to hurt others. An incident a few weeks ago tore at my memories to remind me that during my 7th and 8th grade years at school, I did hurt other people, especially my friends. I hit them, called them names, I was royal pain in the ass to be around. When I graduated from junior high to go to high school I made some choices to turn my behavior around. Chose to work at getting good grades. I chose to stop hitting my friends. I chose to change. I continued this change program into college. I took classes specifically with the idea of exposing myself to different perspectives. I took a Search for Identity class, I read self help books, and I worked at being a different person. I actually had the opportunity to know someone in early years of high school. He moved away, then came back and met me in college. He actually told me that when he first realized I was in one of his college classes he was going to have nothing to do with me. Then I spotted him and started talking to him. He was surprised by how much I had changed. I recognize that I did hurt people, but it was my choice to change that behavior. I believe this is why I feel a bit intolerant when some use the excuse, "I behaved badly because I had a rotten childhood." My reaction is to snort and say, "Now, you have a choice."
What I didn't anticipate in my journey to healing is the lingering feelings of guilt and shame now. I am thankful that I have a counseling session coming up. Most of the articles suggested talking to someone I trust...I decided someone healthy, like my counselor is a good place to start. Like everything else I study, I've done some of my own research. It is astonishing how many contradictions I am finding in just defining shame and guilt. I bought a book and looking at articles on the subjects. Research I believe is just the beginning.
2 comments:
Counselors are often the safest people to talk with because they won't judge or repeat what you tell them.
In my experience, those that love you the most have an emotional attachment that clouds neutrality and those that only pretend to care will inevitably use your confidences to hurt you when it suits their purpose.
Call me cynical or just experienced!
I would say experience and some of it not very pleasant. Thanks mulderfan.
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