Start where you are?

"Everyone who got to where they are had to begin where they were."
- Richard Paul Evans  


But what do I do if I don't know where I am?  During the first half of my marriage, our family moved around... a lot.  We tried new places and explored different possibilities for living...big cities, small towns, down South and up North.  One of the places we lived is an area called Tri-Cities, Washington.  3 cities, 3 freeways, and 3 rivers seemed to me no matter where I was going I got lost in their confusing exits of left or right, both being used.  I kept a map in the glove box of the car.  I would get lost, get the map out, and figure out where I was then I would check the map once again to see if I could get to where I needed to be.  On one occasion, I took my parents into this area.  After getting lost for the third time, my father asked me if I knew where I was going.  In total exasperation I exclaimed, "I know where I am going, I just don't know where I am."  I noticed my life offers me many opportunities of knowing where I want to get to but I don't know where I am or what I need to do to get to what I want.  I believe J.K. Rowling described this feeling with the Mirror of Erised.  You can see the reflection of what you want but no means of how to get it.  Sometimes I get moving in a direction but I feel like it is getting me farther away from the things I believe to be most important.  Only I discover it was a necessary detour to get around an obstacle I didn't see.  I think this is what I use counseling for now.  I have a fairly clear idea of what I want out of my life.  I even have a few clues of how to get there, then I hit a dead end.  Or a problem crops up again and again and again.  I feel like a hamster on a wheel putting forth a great effort and going no where.  When I talk to MyCounselor I need to clearly describe to someone else the things I am observing.  He expects me to work out as much as I can on my own then I can ask him questions on how to better function.  I draw on his experience and what he learned works for other people that might be helpful for me.  I also research problems myself in books and the internet.  One advantage I had with helping at a junior high school, I taught myself how to research on the internet.  I learned how to use words that will narrow my search quickly.  I also learned to recognize dead ends.  I learned to look for web pages that are more likely to have reliable information.  I am learning that where I am is in this moment right now.  What I do happens in the next 5 minutes...and right now I need to get some sleep...Good night.