Friday, September 9, 2011
Oh dear!
Yesterdays rant clued me in that something was terribly wrong with my little world. The switch in my job has put me in contact with a Queen Bee (QB a narcissistic female that can not tolerate anyone else having an idea without her permission) and a passive-aggressive subordinate that behaves one way when QB is there and quite differently when she's not. My hyper-sensitivity to these type of situations has me freaking out. My DH trying to calm me reminded me that I was lucky to still have a job. I retorted that being in jail for doing bodily harm to someone else still meant unemployment. Then I thought long and hard about how I have used depression in my life to calm me down when I am angry. (Which is a lot when I encounter QBs.) Depression is a powerful defense with a dark consequence for me. I dislike being depressed. So what are my options? I don't want to use depression to cope with a difficult situation. I remember my NM bragging when she was a teacher that she gave herself a gold star when she went a day with out some squirrelly kid driving her up the walls. Hmmm. Possibilities. I like pedicures. Perhaps each day I go through the day without getting sucked into their unhealthiness I get points towards a pedicure. (I discovered a few years ago when I was working full time that I really like these but haven't indulged since I chose to go back to school after being laid off 3 years ago.) The plan is hatched. In the next 4 weeks if I can accumulate 15 stars (15 work days with out resorting to anger or depression to cope) I get to have a pedicure and will post pictures of my fancy feet. (I did apply for the other job and will keep job hunting but until things change I want a plan.) So there you have it. One reason why depression is such a challenge for me. I am addicted to its sedative proprieties. Working backwards I consider anger which is a secondary emotion, before anger is fear, hurt, and frustration. I am not afraid of them. I don't believe they would hurt me. That leaves frustration. I will need to consider what causes the frustration and what I can do to let go those things that frustrate me. I have a lot to think about before Monday.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
The QB type in the workplace is all about power because, generally, they have no power at home. At work, QB only has power when YOU give it to her, so in effect, you are in control.
I worked with a QB one on one in a jewellery store for 8 years after I retired and while others dropped like flies she never hassled me. She was the manager and she loved to humiliate and undermine those who worked for her. When I got to know her, I found out her husband was a tyrant who controlled the money (even the $ she earned herself) and treated her like dirt.
I observed quietly for a while and then the first time she pulled her shit on me I very calmly and assertively went up one side of her and down the other. It actually reduced her to tears, then she hid in the bathroom and came out later to apologize. It was eight years before she messed with me again and I immediately quit. She apologized and begged me to reconsider.
Today when I go to the store, she treats me like royalty and still gives me the staff discount. Last time, she asked me out for lunch!
My suggestion would be, to keep quiet and observe her for a while like a lab specimen. With your knowledge of how narcs tick you know your reaction (or lack of it) will control her behaviour.
You have ALL the power, Ruth! When you're ready, plan/script exactly what you're going to say, then have some fun wielding it! Just the planning will empower you!
(Start documenting everything so you have ammo if QB makes a fuss.)
I'm starting to find laughter to be very effective.
Thanks mulderfan, now I have 2 plans. Brilliant suggestions.
Laurel, I agree, find the humor and let the laughter begin. :)
Did you know that you can't laugh and be angry at the same time? Lets off two opposing chemicals in the body.
Ah, narcissism, I know that process oh to well :( I read the book "Why is it always about you?" and found it incredibly helpful. According to the book, the depression that can come from dealing with someone like your QB is actually caused by the inflation and deflation of the victims ego. They use others emotions to control them and it is very difficult to withstand that. If you have a chance, it might be a good read. It helped me to understand a bit more about the abuse I had gone through and it is one of my favorite self help books :) (If you are interested) In the meantime, I hope that you can find some ways (like a pedi!)to relieve some stress. Hang in there :)
I know you'll succeed! You should watch Groupon for a discount one, buy it and save it til you get your 15 :-)
Janet
Thanks Sandy. I will look that one up as another resource. I appreciate the tip. Build you up then knock you done is a familiar pattern that I know too well. Thanks for your encouragement.
Great idea Janet. :) Save money and pamper myself.
Post a Comment