My dilemma, I have no idea where to start. I like the idea that self-confidence and self-esteem begin and end with me because that means I have control over it. I especially understand that I am not going to get it from outside myself. Even if I do get a compliment, I minimize it or turn it aside. One experience can illustrate why I struggle with this. When I graduated from high school, I did so in the top 5% of a class of over 500 students. My mother was quick to remind me that I may have graduated in the top 5% of my class but I wasn't as smart as my brothers. She assured me it was only because I worked harder, like hard work was some sort of dirty underhanded trick. I was so hurt at the time since I believed that finally I would be praised for something. WRONG! There seems to be some unwritten rule of narcissistics that all scapegoats must be ground down to emotional and mental nothingness. So how does someone become like the Facebook status shared by my friend?
Kiki asked the same question I did. How do I get self-confidence?
http://kikimatters.blogspot.com/2011/09/i-need-self-confidence-stat.html
Please read the comments too.
She continues with the poem and song shared by her readers.
http://kikimatters.blogspot.com/2011/09/how-to-boost-your-self-esteem.html
Then today is her declaration of Awesomeness:
http://kikimatters.blogspot.com/2011/09/i-am-awesome.html
I appreciate her sharing her progress. I do recommend you follow the link to her awesome new haircut.
5 comments:
I loved Kiki's haircut too!
I remember getting 97% on a test in high school and NF asking me what part I had screwed up. No joke!
Lately, when I get a compliment, instead making a comment that turns it into a joke or put-down and my own expense, I MAKE myself respond with, "Thank you, that means a lot to me." This is a step forward from the simple, "Thank you." suggested by my counselor.
Another example of "striving for progress not perfection."
This post made me smile. Somehow, it seems a little more doable.
Thanks mulderfan. I will keep in mind "striving for progress not perfection."
:) Glad I could make it seem more doable to you Laurel.
Hi Ruth
I can totally relate to this. Years ago when my mother saw a piece of embroidery I had done, she said “Oh…things are looking up. What a pity you didn’t start years ago. Just think how many you could have made with a bit more effort.” And I thought…“?*!*?*!*??”...
She used to leave me bloody speechless.
I think these remarks can come under the heading “Damned with faint praise”. An English Idiom for words which effectively condemn by seeming to offer praise which is too moderate to be considered praise at all. The phrase identifies the act of expressing a compliment so feeble it amounts to no compliment at all or even implies a kind of condemnation.
I was unlucky enough to have totally inadequate parents which resulted in me having no confidence.
I believe I was guided to sites such as yours, Kiki’s, Mulderfan’s and others to help me work through a healing process.
There have been times in my life when I simply say to a higher power “PLEASE HELP” and without fail I am helped!
God Bless
XX Molly
Thanks Molly, You are right about it being "Damned with feint praise." I am glad you found blogs that you find helpful. I agree with how to get help. I have found I didn't always appreciate the answer God had for me. upsi, mulderfan, kiki, Evan, Laurel and many others have made a wonderful difference in my life.
Thanks for commenting.
Ruth
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