Depression sometimes seems like a creeping darkness that slowly creeps across my life like a heavy dark vapor. Experiences that are light and beautiful slowly get obscured until I can barely define their shape or substance. I peer into my past wondering what the source of the depression? I accept that I can not change my past but I try to see if I can get a glimpse of the source so I can find ways to counteract the smothering effect of the darkness. NewCounselor proposed an alternative. Rather than fighting the creeping darkness, walk away. Go to another place in my mind where no darkness lingers. Turn my back and recognize that my past no longer controls me. Depression seems to thrive on my feelings of hopeless battle. Perhaps, ignoring the darkness and steadfastly turning to hope will let it disperse and not gain energy from my increasing despair. Stop. Think of the beauty that I feel. Let that beauty fill my mind to the exclusion of all darkness. For years, I have disciplined my emotions by switching my personality to one that dissociates from all emotion of any kind. Can I draw on the talent and allow in the light and stop only the dark feelings for a time? I know it would not be healthy long term to shut out emotions since it becomes an habitual way of living. Is it possible to set depression aside for a week? Put it in the Scarlett O'Hara file..."I will think about it tomorrow," or better, next week after our family celebration. Someday, I hope to put depression in the Rhett Butler file..."Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."
For further exploration of this idea you can check out Judy's post: http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2011/12/14/gathering-light/
5 comments:
Oooo I like that. I'm trying to learn to think of it in terms of gathering more light, because with more light to illuminate the past, the darkness that is murky, cloudy, obscuring the real issue is pushed away.
Hello Ruth,
When one is floundering it can be scary. I know how debilitating depression can be having suffered from it for most of my life. One thing is for certain, stress sets it off.
Recently my husband had to go into hospital for an operation and things didn’t go exactly as the consultant promised. It sent me into a bit of a spin; even though I recognised it for what it was it took me completely by surprise! I thought I had a handle on it.
Do give yourself time and space to relax and regain your equilibrium.
God Bless.
Molly
Thanks Laurel, I need to remember that the smallest candle can dispel darkness.
Thanks Molly for the reminder that sometimes plain old stress of the day can be the culprit. No need to look any further than the disruption in routines from the holiday activities.
I've found for me that depression is not something that can be eliminated totally. It is a real thing that comes when the time is right. It helps to not think about it so much in terms of "depression" but to see what it means for you personally.
Sometimes depression is like the ebb and tide of life and sometimes it is like a balloon that slowly gets bigger and bigger until it...bursts! And depression is that moment right before it bursts. Usually, it means that something good is on the way. Something better.
I'll tell you one thing, depression is not a failure. It is just another thing in our lives and it is different every time and sometimes it leads to great happiness. It will push you forward, though.
I hadn't thought about how depression does push me to move forward. In my attempts to get away from the creeping darkness, I do keep moving forward. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
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