I first read it and I thought yea, start fresh. Clean the slate. Make my life be what ever I want it to be. Then I remembered how many times I have done that. When I started high school, I decided to start fresh. I went from a C student to an A student. When I started college, I started fresh again. Changed my friends and became very intense engineering student. When I married, I started fresh again moving from friends and eventually family to grow our own little family. Each time we moved I felt it was an opportunity to start over fresh. This is what I learned. I always take me with me. No matter where I go there I am with all my baggage. I still had to deal with me. Counseling stopped me from looking for a fresh start and turned me around to look at myself and my past. No wonder I was on the run.
I don't learn life lessons from theory, I need concrete examples.....I realized that all around me were different lessons. In grade school, I liked staying after school to help the teacher by cleaning the chalk boards. I wanted to do a really good job and used water to get all the dust off. The teacher kindly explained to me that what I did wasn't helpful. In order for the chalk to work properly, it needed a base of dust. She taught me to spread chalk all over the board then just erase away the extra. In college painting class, I learned that before I could paint a picture I needed to cover the canvas with gesso or some other base coat before I could paint. In building a house, I need a foundation first. I learned that a clean slate is not helpful. I also figured out that if I left all those experiences behind I would simply make the same mistakes over again. Now, I am looking over the mess. I learned that you never know what is hurtful to someone else, stay aware of other's feelings. I learned that name calling hurts. I learned that saying, "I love you" without backing it up with action doesn't mean a whole lot. I learned that fear can take away the pleasure of living. I learned many lessons. If I wash it all away, I just need to learn it again. I do highly recommend courage and a sense of humor especially when facing yourself. However, why reinvent the wheel when you already have one. Learning from my life I can become the person I always dreamed I could be. I have the raw materials and experiences and determination to start from right here and be the best me possible.
"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."(E.E. Cummings)