Saturday, January 14, 2012

A clean slate?

So long as you have courage and a sense of humor, it is never too late to start life afresh.
 Freeman Dyson

I first read it and I thought yea, start fresh.  Clean the slate.  Make my life be what ever I want it to be.  Then I remembered how many times I have done that.  When I started high school, I decided to start fresh.  I went from a C student to an A student.  When I started college, I started fresh again.  Changed my friends and became very intense engineering student.  When I married, I started fresh again moving from friends and eventually family to grow our own little family.  Each time we moved I felt it was an opportunity to start over fresh.  This is what I learned.  I always take me with me.  No matter where I go there I am with all my baggage.  I still had to deal with me.  Counseling stopped me from looking for a fresh start and turned me around to look at myself and my past.  No wonder I was on the run. 

I don't learn life lessons from theory, I need concrete examples.....I realized that all around me were different lessons.  In grade school, I liked staying after school to help the teacher by cleaning the chalk boards.  I wanted to do a really good job and used water to get all the dust off.  The teacher kindly explained to me that what I did wasn't helpful.  In order for the chalk to work properly, it needed a base of dust.  She taught me to spread chalk all over the board then just erase away the extra.  In college painting class, I learned that before I could paint a picture I needed to cover the canvas with gesso or some other base coat before I could paint.  In building a house, I need a foundation first.  I learned that a clean slate is not helpful.  I also figured out that if I left all those experiences behind I would simply make the same mistakes over again.  Now, I am looking over the mess.  I learned that you never know what is hurtful to someone else, stay aware of other's feelings.  I learned that name calling hurts.  I learned that saying, "I love you" without backing it up with action doesn't mean a whole lot.  I learned that fear can take away the pleasure of living.  I learned many lessons.  If I wash it all away, I just need to learn it again.  I do highly recommend courage and a sense of humor especially when facing yourself.  However, why reinvent the wheel when you already have one.  Learning from my life I can become the person I always dreamed I could be.  I have the raw materials and experiences and determination to start from right here and be the best me possible.

From Mulderfan
"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."(E.E. Cummings)



Pronoia Agape said...

"I learned that a clean slate is not helpful."

Love it!

You've been doing an impressive job on your blog lately spreading chalk on your board and setting a good foundation on your canvas.


Ruth said...

Thank you PA.

mulderfan said...

The best reason to look back is to gauge how far you've come!

You're already an amazing person, Ruth! Anything you add now is just icing on one of my favourite cakes!

Love P/M

Ruth said...

Awww thanks P/M, I appreciate you saying this. :)

vwoopvwoop said...

I understand this,'s so *tempting* to start over. :/ I mean, it's what I want, a clean slate. Maybe I need to spend some time learning how to want what I already have.

Ruth said...

Hats another possibility is a need to rearrange the picture, like a sand painting. Putting things in new places give them new meaning. Just a thought. :)

Laurel Hawkes said...

After talking about this Saturday, I like how it all came out here. I've tried starting over, and it works, for a short time, and then all of you catches up. Starting over didn't work until I accepted all of me, and figured out how to fit all of me into my life. Now, I'm not starting with a clean slate, but I am starting a whole new chapter. :-)

Evan said...

Well said Ruth. I think the way to be free of the past is to be free to use it as we wish to!

Ruth said...

Laurel, I love the new chapter idea. Thanks. :)

Ruth said...

Evan that is an awesome concept. I am free to use it how it can benefit me most.