The brain is a marvelous mystery that we take around everywhere. Cliches like, "You are what you think." "If you can dream it, you can do it." Can do attitude comes from my mind. The flip side is the Can't do attitude comes from my mind, too. The groove can turn into a rut. The one track mind can run you right into the ground. Whether you can or whether you can't, it is true. Today, I had a session with NewCounselor asked me to do an honest assesment of myself and how I am thinking. The crux: have I forgiven myself for my past? I was exhausted after a week of exploring exactly how I felt about my past. I needed to see if my habit of thinking badly was just that a habit. My sister always reminds me that first person you have to stop lying to is yourself. I also need to get past the glitch in thinking that keeps me stuck in yesteryear. I have worked hard and long on becoming healthier. Have I updated my selfimage? Or am I like the 80 lb anorexic that looks like a skeleton but still see themself as fat? Am I the one distorting my own image? You know it is a very peaceful place when you make peace with yourself. I am thankful to know that I am at peace with myself. I learned this week that peace is not perfection. I still have things I want to improve about myself. It also doesn't mean I am not grieving about past events. However, for the first time in my life, I feel like I am building on a solid foundation. That from here on out my past is a storehouse of experiences to learn from not who I am. Everyday when I wake up, I decide who I am and what I will do with my life.
My sisters blog: http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/chapter-9/
4 comments:
Honesty is a huge part of the AA program and when we take our "searching moral inventory" we are expected to be brutally honest with OURSELVES. I identified thinking habits that I was not proud of but once they were written into my inventory I was forced to confront and deal with them.
At that point, I had to retrain my brain and break the negative thought patterns that had been hammered into me since childhood. As a kid I had no control over the situation but as an adult I had ALLOWED things to happen. Time to accept that responsibility and get on with redefining ME not anyone else.
I broke the negative self-talk by actually saying "NO!" or "STOP!" out loud whenever I jumped on the mental hamster wheel. Just like my addiction faded each time I resisted the urge to drink, the negative thought patterns are no longer in control. I'll admit they sneak by me now and then but it is less and less often.
I understand that I didn't possess the skills to make these changes until just recently, so I am able to forgive myself for those "wasted" years.
If an old girl like me can make some fundamental changes, I figure anyone can if they're willing to do the work.
Love P/M
((((P/M)))) Thanks for sharing your story. You make a difference. :)
Congratulations Ruth, that is huge!
Thanks, Evan. :)
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