Thursday, January 26, 2012

Laughter can hide a world of pain

Charlie Chaplin
A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Depressed and don't know it....This was the verdict given to me by the medical doctors after 5 days of testing my brain to see why I flaked out 2 to 3 times a week.  I screamed back that I would know if I was depressed.  I laughed everyday.  The world is funny.  My favorite part of newspaper was the comic strips.  When I read Reader's Digest, I read all the jokes first.  I loved the song from Mary Poppins, "I Love to Laugh."  How could I be depressed when I was laughing?  Just how is that possible?  KavinCoach finally explained to me that laughter didn't mean I wasn't depressed.  He did agree with me that the world is funny sometimes.  He saw past my laughter to all the things I hid away.  I wasn't allowed to be sad.  I had so much to be grateful for how could I possibly be sad.  I still can hear my mother chiding me for feeling sad.  Obediently, I would smile then find something to laugh about.  See...isn't that better?  No.  I really needed to be sad.  Something sad happened but it was bad to be sad so I hid it behind my laughter.  KavinCoach taught me how to find it.  He helped me look at all the sad pieces from years of hiding my pain and sorrow.  Little girls that aren't allowed to be sad, grow up to be women that bury their pain and hide it behind a bright smile and a ready laugh.  The world is still funny.  I still love to laugh.  I finally learned that allowing myself to feel the sadness does not dim the happiness.  Like the dark areas of the photograph it adds richness and depth. 

3 comments:

mulderfan said...

I used to turn every situation into a joke. I was so damn funny a guy in one of my support groups wryly offered to be my agent on the club circuit.

Turns out I was joking to hide my pain and keep myself from facing the nasty truth.

Hugs (& laughter) P/M

Ruth said...

Your delightful sense of humor shows up often. You are right jokes help us hide our pain even from ourselves. :) smiles and hugs.

Anonymous said...

Hello Ruth
I have always been fascinated by the fact a lot of comedians suffer from depression; some sort of survival instinct I suppose. Despite my depression I have always had a good sense of humour. I can relate to what you said about your mother not allowing you to be sad, mine was the same. My mother wouldn’t buy my school photographs unless I was smiling on them. Consequently I had the humiliating task of taking, all but one, back.
Surely it’s a parent’s responsibility to notice if their child is sad. Find out why and help; it’s not rocket science is it?

xx Molly