Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains.When do you stop living in terror? When do you stop denying your sorrow? When do you stop saying everything's fine? When do you stop living your life as a shadow? When do you stop lying to yourself?
My daughter is one of my greatest supports to become a healthier me. Tonight she shared a post that she wanted to give specifically to me but didn't want to make it pointed. I caught the point and took the time to read someone else's story of courage to say, "I am not doing well, I need help." It is a little long and could be triggering for people that have experienced eating disorders or mental hospitals. Momastery shares her decision to Stop and say she needed help.
http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/10/fourteen/
I went to a dozen different medical doctors asking about non specific symptoms and argued when they said I was depressed. I remember shouting at one doctor, "If it is all in my head, why does my body hurt so much?" He didn't explain the mind body connection and how what you feel hurts your body. He didn't talk to me in a way I could understand...or was it no matter what he said, I didn't want the stigma of depression. That I didn't have enough faith and intelligence to solve this myself. Such lies and garbage were taught and I believed it. I just needed to pull myself up by my boot straps... I just needed to get organized... I just needed more faith... I just needed to try harder... I just needed........ I needed to say stop. I was in marriage counseling to solve why I couldn't communicate. KavinCoach taught me that the first thing I needed to do was Stop lying to myself... Stop running from the truth... Stop looking for answers outside of myself... Stop and take a long hard look at myself. Sometimes you just need to STOP.
9 comments:
Not an easy lesson to learn, especially when the abusers understand and manipulate the value of keeping one on the run, so there's no time to stop and think. Well, shoot, another habit to break.
I don't know, seems to me you are doing an awesome job at stopping and getting out of the 'please the narcissistic' game and your campaign to stop lying to yourself are an inspiration to me.
Momestary=great read!
I remember lying awake one night after a particularly trying day of driving my parents for appointments and shopping. I'd been in full-blown caretaker mode but it was one of those days where, despite my best efforts, nothing I said or did was right and I was emotionally drained.
Looking at the ceiling I asked out loud, "When will it be my turn?" After a pause, a voice in my head replied, "When YOU make it your turn."
You're so right, Ruth! Sometimes we just need to STOP. Stop taking care of everyone else, stop the hamster wheel in our head, stop and look at the only person that can make things change...ourselves!
The word that comes to mind is REVELATION.
Hugs P/M
Thanks P/M, you are so right it sometimes takes that type of revelation to learn a new path. Glad you enjoyed Momestary.
Hello Ruth
I can understand your dilemma. I have been to the doctors on numerous occasions thinking I was seriously ill only to come away with a prescription for anti-depressants. On one occasion I insisted she send me to a consultant for a second opinion. Again I came away with a prescription for anti-depressants.
My mother didn’t help; she treated any illness as a character defect.
I think you are a good and kind person with a warm heart. All good things will await you as long as you realise the miracle of hope and love is there inside you. I have an unshakable belief that good must always triumph over evil.
XX Molly
Great quote:
"Life has no remote, get up and change it yourself."~anon
Thanks Molly. Sounds like our mothers taught from the same book, "How to make your children harder." Once I accepted that I suffered from depression I was then able to tackle the problem. As long as I denied it, I could not progress. Thank you for your encouragement.
mulderfan, great quote.
Love this! We humans often think that if we just change this or that or maybe this then everything will be alright. It's amazing how just stopping and asking for help can be the hardest thing in the world to do.
Thanks Kathy :)
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